You're In My Veins
by Nerwen Aldarion
Summary: Companion to A Sad Beautiful Tragic Love Affair: A month before her own wedding, Jane comes back into Lisbon's life and turns it all upside down once more. They both have to sort out the pieces of life after Red John and the life Jane rejected five years ago. Jisbon of course.
1. Nothing Goes As Planned, Everything Will

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

A/N: This story is out by popular demand. I wrote A Sad Beautiful Tragic Love Affair with the intention of it just being a one shot but I had a lot of requests to conitnue, a lot of people insisting that there was more story to tell. It didn't take long (about five minutes after posting actually) for me to start to realize they were right. There was a lot more left for me to tell. I wanted to explore Lisbon's book more, her relationship with Kate, I wanted to give Jane and Lisbon another shot at trying again and of course, Jane had to meet their daughter.

So more than anything this is for you guys. For the fans who stick with me, who don't get mad when I post new things, for the ones who love my work and support me. For the ones who insist that I'm not a bad person or a bad writer. This is for the fans who told me that I had more to give.

You were right. Thank you.

This is for you.

* * *

You're In My Veins

Chapter 1: Nothing Goes as Planned, Everything Will Break

_ "Chasing monsters changes you."_

_ Jane said that once and I couldn't refute it, but later I realized it doesn't just change you; it takes things away. Your dignity, judgment, family, heart and your soul. I know I lost all of those things in the hunt for Red John, so did he. I thought it was possible to get some of them back. Even now I'm still trying to take back what was once mine...with no idea if I will succeed._

_ From Tyger, Tyger by Teresa Lisbon._

* * *

Lisbon stood on her back patio area, the stretch of tiles meeting the sand only a yard away from her own bare feet, the sun hadn't baked them yet so she could still stand there without getting burned. The waves crashed on the shore and she saw several seagulls diving into the water again and again. It was still early for some people but she saw one jogger trudging along next to the wet sand.

She sipped her coffee and let the calmness of the early morning wash over her, fill her with something akin to peace. It was part of the reason why she wanted this place, the ocean was supposed to be soothing after all and she'd sorely needed it. Besides, Dani loved being able to run out to the beach whenever she wanted.

Annie was still asleep; if she was out late she had a hard time getting up before noon. Dani would be waking up soon, an early riser like her mother. She would be up and wanting breakfast before driving her ragged running around the house, if she caught her mother outside she wouldn't be able to keep her out of the sand all day.

She sighed and drained the last dregs from her mug, taking a deep breath of the salty air. A part of her just wanted to enjoy the solitude, soon it would be over. Chris was urging her to let him start moving some of his things into the house, hinting at possibly finding something bigger if she wanted. But she was reluctant to leave her home, the place where Dani had taken her first steps. She'd learned to swim out in that ocean.

More than that she'd bought this place as a part of her new beginning, her new life. The one she'd constructed from bits and pieces of her previous one, this was her fresh start and she loved it here. Loved it because here she wasn't tormented by memories everywhere she looked, no, there wasn't a part of this place he had touched walked across, this was one of the few places she could look around and know she was free of him.

She took in another breath of the sea air before heading back inside of her home. She put her now empty mug in the sink. A thought struck her mind and instead of heading upstairs to change she made her way to the living room. She had a long line of books on the shelf in there and she selected the one that she loved and hated the most.

It was hardcover in black with red letters and the lone image on the cover, a blood red smiley face. The title matched the face, big block red letters spelling out _Tyger, Tyger_ and underneath in smaller print: _The true story of the investigation and capture of Red John_.

Her name was set underneath the face followed by Kate's. Her book, her words, her story, sometimes it was hard to believe that she'd done all of that. It seemed like a hundred years ago. A hundred years and a thousand tears.

Lisbon flipped open the book through the table of contents and part one. That part had been mostly Kate, background into Red John's life and then a detailed account of his victims before she'd been involved. She paused when she got to chapter twelve that was called "Angela and Charlotte Jane". She'd read it a few times herself but had made Kate write it, it didn't feel right for her to explain how they died…like it wasn't her place.

She kept on turning the pages until she made it to part two: her story. Her least favorite chapter was the first one where she had to go into detail about her life before she was at the CBI. Kate had to practically force her to write it, but apparently it humanized her or something. The following chapter was the first one that had flowed easily and it was simple.

Chapter seventeen: Patrick Jane.

Lisbon curled up on the couch and looked over the page. She remembered sitting in front of her laptop staring at a blank page, wondering how to explain how the Red John investigation started. She'd finally had to admit that it's true beginning was when Jane had walked into her life.

_"Boss, a man is here to see you about the Red John case. He says his name is Patrick Jane."_

_ That wasn't the first time I'd heard of name Patrick Jane, I'd gone over the case file dozens of time in the six months since my team was given the Red John investigation. But this was the first time I'd ever actually had a chance to meet the more infamous of people involved. I certainly didn't know the chaos that my life was just about to go through._

_ When I first saw him I didn't notice the things everyone first saw in him. He didn't have his trademark smile on his face; he didn't have the aura of confidence and barely controlled playfulness. The first thing I thought about when I met him was that he was lost. He reminded me of a puppy abandoned on the street. Broken is the best way to describe him, completely shattered._

_ He came to look at the casefiles, it wasn't unusual for family members to want to see if they can lend a hand but he was the more persistent of them. Unfortunately we had just gotten a new case and there was no way I could brief him on what we had, what little I was allowed to share with him. It wasn't until later that I realized he knew this all along; he had other plans to get what he wanted._

_ After one of my team members punched him, my boss was eager to give him what he wanted. That was how Jane tagged along with my team to a crime scene for the first time, and the first time I ever got to see him in action. One look at the body and he had a dozen details on the victim that a week of door-to-door interviews wouldn't have yielded. He did all of that without even breaking a sweat, but he did almost throw up. It was the first time I recognized that he had a gift I would never understand, but Jane would never call it that, to him it was the curse that had controlled his life and led to him losing his family._

_ He stuck around the next few days waiting for the Red John files and when our case hit a brick wall I made the decision that would change my life forever. I asked him to help me identify the killer, insisting that he could use his gift for something good. I still don't know what I said that was profound enough to convince him, but minutes later I watched him pick out the killer using hand made tarot cards._

_ I don't think he ever knew that I was the one who went to my boss and mentioned that he would be a good asset to the bureau. It wasn't without some hesitation; I'd seen the way he'd looked at those files, like an addict staring at a pack of heroin. But I hoped that I could temper that and maybe we could catch a few bad guys along the way. I was wrong and right there, but I don't regret that choice._

_ The truth is that Patrick Jane is the best and the worst thing that ever happened to me. I couldn't have known the absolute chaos that he would cause, worse than any natural disaster this world can create. I found out first hand was an absolute bastard he was, he was arrogant, stubborn and obsessive. He believed the ends justified the means and saw people as something that could be used and discarded to his own devices, including me. He had no regard for rules or regulations and often used cheats or tricks to solve cases. In our time together that included burying a man alive, faking his own death, starting a brawl, faking a bomb threat, making me believe we were going to die from an infectious disease (I punched him for that one), the list is endless. I posed as his wife, girlfriend, sponsor and sister so many times I lost count._

_ And yet somewhere along the way our relationship became more than just me trying to control the uncontrollable. It started off as mildly annoying coworkers but deepened into a real abiding friendship…and then something so much more. He showed sides of himself to me that I do not believe he had ever done before. He always knew my secrets but actually was willing to share his own. Our relationship became more than just friendly, more than familial, it transcended any description. I cannot think of a word to explain how we felt about each other. At least not any word I am willing to share._

She closed the book then, shaking her head at her sentimentality. She'd probably said too much then but she hadn't known how else to describe what had happened between her and Jane. The truth was the book had become more of a diary, a way to finally prove to herself that these memories were real, that she had some tangible proof it had all happened and she had survived it. That in the end, while she had been left utterly destroyed and the family she'd grown to love more than her own life had disassembled…it had been real.

The soft sound of a door opening upstairs and then the patter of little feet pulled Lisbon out of her thoughts. She smiled gently and placed her book back on its shelf before standing up from the couch. Just in time as her little girl came streaking into the room, blonde curls streaming behind her.

"Mommy!" Dani shrieked, throwing herself into her mother's arms.

Lisbon stroked her daughter's hair, feeling the same peace and happiness that always filled her when she was with her child. That was the only time she wasn't tormented by pain and questions, there could be no regret with this beautiful creature she'd created.

"Well, sweetie," Lisbon said gently. "What are we going to do today?"

* * *

It took a bit of time to round up her daughter for breakfast, while Dani was enjoying her cereal and milk, Lisbon had gone upstairs and dragged her niece out of bed. Annabeth Lisbon had grown up from a willful teenager to a downright unruly young adult. She'd coasted through college, showing up to class when she felt like it and was put on academic probation a half a dozen times. Her GPA never matched her potential but Annie was getting something of a dose of reality, moving in with her aunt until she finally figured out what to do with her life. Lisbon was willing to give her the time, provided Annie didn't mind helping her out as well.

That meant driving Dani to her preschool on her way to her retail job so Lisbon wasn't late herself. After the chaos of finding and killing Red John and then the surprising and emotionally devastating she'd had to step back a reevaluate her own life.

Actually she'd quit her job not long after Jane stopped coming around. Her pregnancy was what forced her to reevaluate where she could go and what she would do. That was how she started putting some lines out with the FBI to see if they were interested: they were. Right before Danielle's birth was when Kate showed up and suddenly she had a new focus: the book. She took some time from starting her job, moved down to Los Angelas and learned how to balance trying to write and caring for an infant.

Somehow she'd managed to string a few sentences together and then survive the book tour which included dozens of cities, media appearances including a couple of big time talk show hosts. She'd never wanted to meet Kelly Rippa but that interview sure excited her sister in law. And after the book did well, very well if the publishers persistence in writing another was any indication, she'd quietly gone back to what she truly was: a cop.

But with her young daughter and her taste for chasing killers without one blonde menace by her side waning, she'd stuck to a more administrative duty. Some days she felt oddly like Minelli, telling agents what to do and talking to some of the fat cats who always wanted a favor. She wasn't a fool, she knew what her bosses loved was the prestige of her name and background. Telling the public that the woman who helped catch Red John was on the case went a long way towards easing fears, even if she mostly shelled out a few ideas and petitioned judges for warrants.

Not that it was all smooth sailing. Her book and publicity had made her an easy target and the book had given her something she hadn't expected, transparency. Everyone who read her book knew about her childhood, her work as a cop and then a state agent. They knew the lengths she'd gone to in order to catch Red John, they knew about how the investigation had put her on his radar and if they really read carefully, then they knew that the serial killer had chosen her for himself.

That part still gave her nightmares; the idea of the psychopath she hated had believed she could ever be with him. She knew it wasn't love; he hadn't been capable of that. No, he'd merely coveted what Jane had. His obsession with Jane had reached insane heights to the point that he wanted to fill his shoes almost, by taking what was Jane's and that included her. It wasn't easy being targeted as the Clarice Starling for Red John but at least she'd gotten out with her sanity still in tact.

A part of her once wondered if that had bothered Jane, that the monster he'd chased had set his sights on her as well but she realized that Jane would never hold that against her. If anything he blamed himself for that, his actions putting her in Red John's sights. Perhaps that was what kept him away; it certainly made sense for him to shoulder that burden. But it didn't make her life any easier, it didn't make of it any less painful.

As she was driving to work her phone rang and Chris's name popped up on her ID. She answered it quickly. "Hey, Chris. I'm on my way to work. What's up?"

"I know, didn't mean to bother you but I got a phone call from the caterer. She needs to know what you want for the appetizers."

Lisbon winced, she hadn't even glanced at the list of food, or the caterer's menu for that matter. "Oh you know how easy I am, I'm sure whatever you want is best."

"My sister thinks that the mini crab cakes and the little quesadillas would be best."

"Sounds great," Lisbon said, ceding the decisions to her future sister in law once again.

She'd done that a lot actually, for every decision with the wedding. The flowers were roses and lilies…or was it gardenias? She didn't know and didn't really care. She'd have let Chris's sister choose her dress if it here possible but Kate dragged her to three different bridal shops herself.

Chris had pointed out her blasé attitude about the wedding before and she'd told him that she didn't really care about the wedding, she was looking forward to the marriage more. That was the truth; she wanted the wedding to be over with so she could stop thinking about everything else.

Since Cho's wedding she'd thrown herself into her relationship with Chris headfirst. She never stopped to question why she'd suddenly become desperate to be in a real committed relationship, why she really wanted to be married. Annie thought she just wanted a father for her daughter but Lisbon didn't like that explanation, it didn't explain why she had that odd turn after Cho's wedding. Well there was one explanation but Lisbon didn't like to think about it.

Jane was out of her life for good, her wedding had nothing to do with him. Nothing.

So she chatted with her fiancé about the upcoming wedding and he once again suggested they start looking at new homes, something bigger than the one she currently owned. That was something she tried to avoid, she didn't want to find a new place, not when she'd worked so hard to find a home where she felt whole again.

After that she mildly listened while he talked, his southern accent peeking out a bit. His accent was part of his charm, along with his good southern manners and his love of soul food. She'd been privy to his mother's cooking a few months back and had to admit it was better than any of the stuff she threw together at home and most of the food she could afford in restaurants. She'd love to have some of that deep fried chicken again, even if it would clog her arteries eventually.

Now if only she could learn to love his obsession with Tennessee football.

Finally they said their goodbyes along with plans to see each other that night if possible, he was talking to his publishers, which might mean an all night writing session for him. She hung up her phone and continued her drive to work in silence.

Chris was a good man, sweet and charming, wonderful with Dani but he didn't push her either. He recognized that she was Dani's mother and while he loved her, he was not her father. They thought about adoption but that proved impossible by her own doing. In the end it would just be as it was, Dani as her daughter and Chris having a new stepdaughter.

She pulled into the parking lot of the L.A. branch of the FBI and walked inside, nodding and smiling at the people who passed and greeted her in the hallway before she found her office. The desk was littered with paperwork and photographs of her daughter except one, which had her whole team. It had been taken eight years ago, before much of the chaos, before a long list of names, before Las Vegas, before she'd ever heard of Tyger Tyger Burning Bright. A simpler time when she'd been so happy.

Lisbon looked around her office, her name on the door and her a half a dozen pictures of her daughter smiled back at her. This was her life now, the best and the worst parts of it. And she was finding happiness again, piece by piece.

* * *

Lunch with Kate was an almost daily ritual now, something they both loved to do together now that they lived in the same city. Kate was the only friend she had who was close by and best girlfriend she'd had since she was a teenager. Usually the topics revolved around Kate's love life and her upcoming wedding. It made her feel like a real human being to sit outside at a restaurant and talk gossip over a chef salad.

"And before I forget, there is something amazing I have to tell you."

"What?" Lisbon asked, biting her tongue. The last _amazing_ thing Kate had to tell her was that the guy from her gym had checked her out.

"Actually I have to ask you a question first," Kate said slyly. "Who would you want to play you in a movie?"

"Is this a joke?"

"I picture Sandra Bullock but you know that Kate Beckinsale would be a good choice too."

Lisbon shook her head. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Kate grinned. "My publisher called, there's been a really good offer to make a movie about our book."

"You're kidding me."

"No, how amazing would that be?"

"More like horrifying," Lisbon clarified, "I don't want my life to become some big Hollywood fantasy."

"They would change the names."

"Yeah because no one would realize what it was based off of," Lisbon scoffed. "Its in poor taste really, real people died because of Red John. It shouldn't be used to sell tickets at a movie theater with overpriced popcorn."

Kate rolled her eyes but she'd known that there was no way Lisbon would agree to this anyways. "Fine, I told them you'd never agree to it already."

"Then why bring it up?"

"Mostly because I wanted to see your face when I told you."

Lisbon glared at her friend. "Sometimes you act like a child." But she was amused herself…it reminded her of similar times when poking fun and gentle ribbing were just part of her day.

Kate laughed. "On another note, they are still hoping you'd write another book with me."

Lisbon grinned and shook her head. "As fun as that would be, what exactly would the subject be on?"

"McTier? Volker, the list goes on and on. You have a goldmine of material from your CBI days, why not dig some of it up?"

She shrugged. "The book was never about making money or patting myself on the back for a job well done. It was about sorting out everything that happened." She looked down at her hands, "And reminding myself that it was all real, after everything fell apart and my team went on their different paths…I needed something to hold onto to prove that it all happened…that I had these experiences and this family of teammates."

Kate was serious now, giving her friend a careful once over. "You know you didn't need a book for that. And your team…they didn't leave you. They just moved on, the same way you did."

"Grace, Wayne and Kimball didn't leave me," Lisbon agreed.

"Okay, three out of four, and do you really want to talk about proof it all happened with _him_. Dani is all of the evidence you need."

Lisbon took a sip of her water, her cheeks flushing with the reminder of her daughter and how she had come into being. "It wasn't about Dani. But that's not the point. The scars from the McTier and Volker cases aren't like Red John, they don't keep me awake at night and I don't feel the need to prove to myself and everyone else why things happened the way they did."

Kate nodded; she understood that about her friend. "Then will you at least look over my next book?"

Lisbon rolled her eyes. "I can't fix your grammar but I can let you know if it's good or not."

"That's all I need."

They both laughed lightly and Kate steered the conversation away from her job, instead telling her about her sister who lived in Pheonix and her ultra conservative lifestyle. They both found amusement in Kate's sister's woes like the time she called her in tears because her son had lost a tooth and it wouldn't grow in before the Christmas photos.

Yes, truly something worth crying over.

Lisbon was still laughing when she saw Kate's expression change to one of shock. "What is it?" she asked, genuinely worried about her friend.

"Do you know where Jane is now?"

"Of course not. Why?"

"Because isn't that him?"

"What?!" Lisbon turned around in her seat quickly and searched for a familiar face. Kate had to be wrong. Jane wouldn't be in L.A he would be anywhere near her. Besides, Kate had only seen Jane in pictures. There was no way she would be able to identify him. It must be a mistake.

Except two seconds later she saw him too.

He was standing across the street, next to a parked car. She didn't know if it was his or not, it certainly wasn't his Citroen if it was. But Jane was looking at her, staring more accurately.

"Oh God," Lisbon whispered, unable to look away.

"What is he doing here?" Kate asked.

"I…I don't know," Lisbon replied, "I haven't heard from him since Cho's wedding." Her heart was hammering in her chest. Why was he here? Why now? A month before her wedding? It was too late for him to want her back…much _much_ too late.

And suddenly Jane was walking towards her.

"Shiiiit," Kate said, drawing out the word.

Lisbon could agree with those sentiments if she wasn't about to have a heart attack. "I have to go, _now_."

"Don't you want to—?"

"No," Lisbon cut her off quickly. "I don't. I can't do this again. Not now." Lisbon grabbed her purse and rushed out of the restaurant, forgetting that she hadn't even paid for her food yet. Well she would pay Kate back later, fleeing was much more important at the moment.

Lisbon didn't look back, didn't even thing about stopping until she was in her car and driving the to FBI branch in Los Angelas. A car honked it's horn beside her and she didn't know why until she finally saw that she was swerving all over the road, her hands were shaking so much.

She pulled over into an half empty parking lot of a bank and put her head in her hands, doing everything she could to just stay calm and breathe. Oh God. Why was he here? What could possibly have brought him within walking distance of her? Was he just passing through? Or…or was he there to see her?

Lisbon wiped the tears from her cheeks and shook her head. No, it was too late. Much too late for any sort of apology. He couldn't change, he'd told her that much. So this had to be some kind of fluke meeting. He wouldn't be here for her.

He couldn't.

* * *

Her phone was ringing as soon as she walked into office and she wasn't surprised to see Kate's name. "Are you all right?" Kate asked as soon as Lisbon answered, not even waiting for a courtesy 'hello'.

"I'm fine," Lisbon assured her, "I'm at my office now, it's all right."

"I never saw you so freaked out."

"I was just surprised to see him," Lisbon replied. She was quiet for a moment before she gathered the courage to ask. "Did you talk to him?"

"No, as soon as you ran away he just watched you go and then left. I know he saw me but he obviously was trying to talk to you…do you have any idea why?"

Lisbon sighed heavily and shook her head even though her friend couldn't see her. "None, I don't know what he would talk to me about. He never called me after Cho's wedding and as far as I know, hasn't contacted anyone else."

"Then why is here?"

"I don't know," she repeated and then thought of a likely scenario. "He probably is just passing through and happened to see me."

Kate snorted. "Do you really believe in that kind of coincidence? He just _happened_ to be in LA _happened_ to be walking down that street and _happened_ to see you?"

"It's possible."

"In _fiction_."

Lisbon groaned. "Look, I don't know why he is here. I don't know what he wants to talk about. It doesn't really matter. I'm not going to see him."

"Why not?"

"Because there is nothing he could say to change things."

"What if he wants to be with you?"

That made Lisbon pause, there was no denying how her heart raced at that idea, how much a part of her still desperately wanted him. If he could come to her and actually be with her, actually prove that he would stay and love her forever…well she didn't know what she would do. Lisbon stared at the engagement ring on her hand and she knew what her answer should be.

But none of that really mattered.

"He's always wanted to be with me," Lisbon reminded her, "but he won't allow himself that opportunity."

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."

Lisbon couldn't help but laugh a little there, mostly because she didn't want to cry. "It's Jane, nothing ever is simple with him. I should know, I fell in love with him."

Kate chuckled a little too but the laughed faded and what remained was uncertainty. It was Kate who finally asked. "He's here…are you going to tell him about Dani?"

"No," Lisbon insisted firmly, "there's no reason for him to know."

"You sure?"

"Kate, he isn't going to stay. He'll just hurt her if either one of them knew, it's better for both of them if he remains in the dark about her and if she remains ignorant that he is here."

She sighed now too. "It's your life, your child and your messed up love life, it's your choice."

Lisbon nodded, relieved. "Yes it is."

Kate was quiet for a moment. "You're still marrying Chris right?"

"Of course," Lisbon said quickly. "Why would spotting Jane across the street change that?"

"It wouldn't," Kate replied but her voice wasn't quite so certain.

"Everything is fine," Lisbon stated, "In a month Chris and I will be married and Jane will be gone tomorrow. I doubt I'll ever see him again."

That thought killed her but it was most likely the truth.

"Okay," Kate said, "then I guess nothing has changed."

"No," she agreed. "It hasn't."

No matter how much she wished things could be different.

* * *

She buried herself in work after her almost encounter with Jane on her lunch hour, her phone burned a hole in her pocket though. Every time it rang she jumped, half expecting to hear his voice on the other end. But all she got was a call from her boss reminding her of the management meeting she had all but forgotten.

After finally getting out of the meeting she found a voicemail on her phone, her heart hammered until she heard Chris's voice. Apparently their late night date was canceled unless she wanted to spend the evening watching him write. That was probably for the best, there was no way she'd be relaxed enough to enjoy it.

When she walked through her front door she was immediately greeted by her daughter who threw herself around her legs. Lisbon happily picked her up and followed the sound of the television to find Annie in the living room, looking all ready to go out on the town. "Hey, you're home," Annie said.

"Yeah," she replied, "thanks for picking Dani up, hope she wasn't a handful all day."

"DJ was great," Annie told her.

"Annie took me for icecream," Dani exclaimed, "she talked to the man behind the counter for a while. But he gave me a cone with sprinkles and chocolate and marshmallows."

Lisbon turned to look at her niece, giving her an annoyed look. "Man behind the counter?"

"What, he was cute!"

She rolled her eyes. "I hope you aren't going out to meet random strangers from icecream stores."

"No, Jenna and I are going to check out our local spot."

Lisbon nodded, well at least that was something. Annie was wild but she wasn't an idiot, she knew how to take care of herself and her mace could handle the rest if need be. "Just stick together, don't take drinks from strangers."

"I know, I'm not an idiot."

"No, you're my niece who gave my daughter a ton of sugar before bailing on me."

Annie grinned. "DJ knows she's my favorite little cousin."

Lisbon groaned, not just because that was undeniably true. Annie had fallen head over heels in love with her child from the moment she was born, probably because she was old enough to find babies more interesting then some of her younger cousins. That and Annie felt a connection to her, the outside kid in the family.

If only she could get over that nickname.

"Stay safe," Lisbon reminded her niece, "and call me if you need help."

"Like if I need bail?"

She gritted her teeth. "Very funny."

"What is bail, Mommy?" Dani asked curiously.

"Nothing you need to worry about," Lisbon assured her, "and something your cousin better not need if she knows what is good for her."

Annie snickered and stood up. "Okay, DJ. I'm out but we're still on for movie night on Saturday right? Did you check your schedule?"

"Yes!" Dani exclaimed, she loved being treated like a grownup, even if checking her schedule meant making sure it didn't conflict with bedtime. Lisbon grinned as Annie kissed the little girl on the top of her head before heading for the door, her heavy boots clomping away.

Lisbon felt the familiar pans of worry after she heard Annie's car pull out of the driveway but she did what she could to ignore that. Her niece was smart; she'd never gotten into serious trouble. She could take comfort in that.

She turned back to her little daughter, still innocent and young. "All right, sweetheart. Who wants chicken nuggets for dinner?"

"Me! Me! Me!" Dani said, actually jumping up and down. She didn't care that chicken nuggets were one of the few things Lisbon could do well, since it was easy to just open the bag and bake them in the oven. She still loved the treat, that and she was probably still wired from all of the icecream.

But her mother was grateful for the busy night with her hyper daughter, it might do to keep her mind off of the fact that she'd seen the man who'd unknowingly bequeathed that beautiful blonde hair and dazzling smile.

Dinner, playtime, bathtime and bedtime eventually passed with Lisbon finally settling in for the night. Her daughter lay sleeping in her little bed, tucked away under her blankets. She kissed her one last time before whispering the same words. "I love you, Dani. My gift, my hope, my everything."

Lisbon filled the silence of the townhouse with chores and the low buzz of the television, the waves crashing on the beach were soothing but not enough to stop her mind from whirling around with the events of that day. Or rather the one event that was currently making her anxious. She felt better knowing that Jane hadn't tried to call her or contact her since he almost ran into her. Kate told her that he simply walked away after she ran off, hopefully he got the message that it was better to just stay away from her now.

Dani was fast asleep in her bed upstairs while Annie was out hopefully not getting into trouble. But at twenty-one there was no way she could actually control her and she was old enough to get into bars if she wished, and while Tommy was always worried about his daughter, Lisbon had a feeling she would wind up on her feet once she settled down.

Until then she had Lisbon's guest room as long as she didn't mind babysitting every once in a while.

But right now Lisbon was watching the house herself and trying to finish up some of the laundry, anything that would keep her mind occupied on something besides Patrick Jane. She had a month before her wedding to Chris and a year since she had seen Jane last, the last thing she needed was to get caught up in that mess again. She'd finally decided to just put it all behind her. She wasn't angry, never had been. Was she sad? Yes, that was something she couldn't deny but somewhere along the way she'd decided that it was time to at least try to be happy and maybe some day she finally would be.

She was carrying the basket of laundry to the washer but stopped in the hallway when she saw the pictures on the shelf. She'd lined them up when she'd first moved here, added a few of Dani as she'd grown. But most were exactly the same. This was her little shrine to the life she'd once had. Pictures of her team at the CBI, one of them all together, some of just them. One of Grace and Rigsby's wedding, Cho and his bride Annie were added later…and one of her and Jane. She'd thought about taking that one down many times but had never been able to do it.

Lisbon dropped the basket and picked up the framed photograph instead, staring at the two of them. This was taken six years ago when they had been nothing more than friends and coworkers…even if she'd been harboring real feelings for him for a while. Even then she'd secretly known that things probably would go badly, she'd been right, but wrong to believe that the job would be the complication. Jane had enough complications; the job had nothing to do with it in the end.

She put the picture back and stared at them all together. This was her family. The family she'd loved and raised for years. It had been heartbreaking to watch it all break apart in the end, even if it was all for good reasons. She couldn't blame Rigsby and Van Pelt for wanting to start their new lives in a new city that wasn't filled with memories of their failures and pain. She couldn't even be upset that Jane had felt the same need, he'd never lied to her, had always told her that when Red John was finally gone…that he would be too. He would want to be somewhere else, far away from the family he'd lost and the pain he'd inflicted. In fact she really should be angry at herself, his love for her was what forced him to come back time and time again. She'd been the one stopping him from making a clean break after all.

In that regard she could blame herself for the pain but could she really have helped falling in love? No. And knowing that fact didn't make it any easier, it still tore her up inside to know that all of the work she'd done through the years was ripped apart at the seams when the demons was finally slain. It didn't help ease the pain that she'd been runner up and lost the love of her life to ghosts.

But she'd gotten her daughter out of it. That was more then enough repayment for her tears.

With a sigh Lisbon picked up the laundry basket again and carried it to the small laundry room that was off of her kitchen. She dumped it on the floor and was about to start sorting it out when at loud rapping on the door disturbed her melancholic solitude. She groaned and threw the shirt she was holding back onto the floor before heading to the foyer. The frosted glass kept her from seeing who her late night visitor was, probably Annie too drunk to find her key.

Lisbon opened the door, ready to drag her niece inside. Except it wasn't Annie.

It was Jane.

For a long moment all she could do was gape at him, too stunned to actually comprehend what was happening. To his credit, he did much the same.

How the hell had he found her? Why was he there?

And this time she couldn't run away.

"I…I… you shouldn't be here," Lisbon stammered out and began to close the door on him. Too shaken to recognize how ridiculous and rude that was.

But Jane pushed against the door, keeping her from closing it. "I had to see you."

"Why?" she asked him. "What are you doing here? It's been over four years, what could possibly have changed to get you to come now?"

He looked a little shamed now, embarrassed, like a little boy caught in a lie. "Cho told me you were getting married."

There were two things that surprised her about that statement. The first being that Cho was in contact with Jane, she had no idea he'd actually kept up with the other members of the team. She'd assumed that the only person he'd spoken to in years beyond the wedding was her…and that had ended over eight months before Cho's marriage. The second was that Jane had felt the urge to come and see her once he found out about her engagement…he'd all but told her that she needed to move on. Why was he freaked out now?

"It's true," Lisbon told him softly, "In a month." She looked at him feeling a little guilty that he must have some problem with this…but mostly she was confused. "What's wrong, Jane?"

He shook his head. "I don't know." He ran a hand through his still thick, still beautiful, curly blonde hair. "I just…when I found out you were getting married. I hated it."

Lisbon stepped back and he took the opportunity to walk through her doorway, but he stayed in the little welcome nook. "Are you…are you saying that you want to be with me now?"

Her heart was pounding and she felt something building in her stomach. Fear, anger…hope. It was like whirlwind taking place inside of her, she didn't know what to feel.

But she squashed whatever hope was there when Jane shook his head.

"I don't know what I want. I just don't want you getting married."

Lisbon crossed her arms over her chest. "That's not fair, Jane. You can't tell me that I'm better off without you, disappear for years only to come back begging me not to move on. I can't live like that."

"I know it isn't right," Jane agreed.

"Then why are you here?" Lisbon asked him again but she wasn't waiting for an answer. "You already tore my life apart once, don't do it again. I'm not like you, Jane. I don't want to live my life alone. I wanted to be with you, I gave you that chance but you told me that you couldn't stay. You walked away."

"Yes, I did," he said softly.

She nodded. "Then you don't have the right to be jealous of someone else wanting what you turned down."

Jane was quiet again, his eyes no longer wide and wild. He looked more sad and resigned than anything, but much calmer. After a while he nodded. "You're right. I shouldn't have come."

Tears filled her eyes again. Why could they only come together to cause pain?

"I'm sorry, Patrick," she whispered.

Jane gave her a ruthful smile. "No, it's my own fault." He sighed heavily. "If you love something you have to let it go, right?"

Lisbon didn't say anything. She hated that phrase, hated it with a passion. It was the same thing she'd turned over in her mind when Jane had walked away all those years ago. It hadn't given her any comfort. But maybe Jane could put his emotions aside better than she could, after all he'd managed to stay away this long.

"I'll go," Jane told her, "And I won't bother you again."

Somehow the idea of Jane actually permanently walking away didn't make her feel any better. While she didn't want him to come back…she didn't want to lose hope either. It hurt to know that it was finally over, yes it was her doing but somehow it was still hard for her to imagine things actually changing. She had the dress, the date was saved and the invitations sent, her decision was made.

But she'd never really thought that it finally close that door. That was difficult because for the past five years she'd done everything she could to make sure it stayed open.

It was better this way, she told herself. Without hope she would finally be without pain. That was what was most important, finally being able to breath without hurting anymore.

"Patrick," Lisbon began, he stopped and turned to look at her before the door. "I wish…I want you to finally be happy. That's all I want, all I've _ever_ wanted."

He smiled again. "I know. All I want is for…" He stopped talking then, actually he wasn't even looking at her anymore. His eyes was focused on something behind her…something that terrified him.

She narrowed her eyes in confusion. "Jane?"

He still didn't look at her but pointed behind her. "What is that?"

Lisbon turned, half expecting something horrible to be behind her. Instead all she saw was the empty hallway and the small table. Nothing unusual.

It took her a few more seconds to realize what he was talking about…then she felt sick.

Resting on the little table was a picture of her daughter.

Her daughter that resembled her father too much to be denied.

Lisbon turned around again, now her eyes were wide and mouth agape. She was searching for something, an excuse, a lie, something that could set it aright. But her mind was completely blank.

Jane didn't wait for an answer. Instead he stormed right past her and picked the picture up to give it a closer look. All she could do was watch as he studied the photo of her daughter…_their_ daughter, carefully. He ran one fingertip across the glass, tracing something. Her smile? She didn't know, it didn't matter.

Then he was looking into her eyes again, his gaze dark with shock, fear…and a bit of anger. "I don't suppose there is much of a point in asking how old she is." Jane stated.

Lisbon numbly shook her head, knowing full well that there was no way she would be able to deny what was so obviously the truth.

Her confirmation brought more anger into his eyes along with some determination. "Where is she?"

"Jane…"

"Where is she?" He repeated but looked towards the stairs, answering his own question.

"She's asleep," Lisbon said, rushing forward as if that would stop him. "It's too late for this." Lisbon wasn't sure if she was meaning to late in the evening…or too late in their lives.

But Jane wasn't one to be deterred from what he wanted. He simply gave her another hard look and headed right up the stairs. She took a few steps after him but stopped short of following him, instead sinking down onto the steps to cry.

She heard him make it to the hallway and then open one door..then another, before finally finding the room he was looking for. She couldn't hear anything after that but she knew Jane well enough to know that he wouldn't wake up Dani. He wanted to see her, to prove to himself that this was all real.

She could imagine him up there, standing in their daughter's room, a few steps away from the bed. Would he notice that she slept like him? Curled up on her side, kicking the covers away in her sleep. Would he step close to touch her or would he be content to just drink in the sight of her? Lisbon wanted to know but she couldn't move from her place on the stairs, just continued to sit there and cry quietly to herself. Even if she didn't know why she was crying in the first place.

Perhaps she was mourning the fact that her daughter was now at risk for the same pain she felt.

Minutes passed but Lisbon didn't keep track. Finally she heard the soft footsteps quietly making their way down the hallway again, moving slowly, perhaps to ensure the child still slept or maybe he was still in shock.

Jane walked down the stairs and stopped a few steps above her. She heard him shift in his stance and then sit down too, matching her own posture. He sighed, running a hand over his face. "What's her name?"

Lisbon licked her dry lips but it did little good, her voice was barely more than a whisper. "Danielle…Danielle Jane Lisbon." She heard his breath hitch when she mentioned her daughter's middle name. She finally turned to look at him, surprised to see that his eyes and cheeks were wet just like hers. "I call her Dani."

"Danielle," Jane said gently, testing the name out on his tongue. He looked away from her, lost in thought. She just didn't know where that was; she didn't have his gift for reading minds.

"Say something, Jane," she urged. She really just wanted to know where he stood in all of this.

Jane looked back at her, his eyes still hard. "I could ask if she is mine but I think we both know the answer to that one."

Lisbon pursed her lips. "What difference does it make?"

"I had a right to know," Jane insisted.

"When was I supposed to tell you? You didn't come back and half the time when you called me you were drunk off your ass. Somehow that didn't seem like the best way to let you know that I was pregnant."

He turned away again, his lips pressed in a firm line, no doubt remembering all of those phone calls. "What about last year? You had plenty of time at the wedding. Not to mention the fact that I wasn't drunk every time I called you."

That was true. But Lisbon held onto another reason. "It was too late then…what would you have done anyways?"

"I don't know!" Jane exclaimed, "You didn't give me the chance to find out."

"I wasn't hiding her," Lisbon shot back, "if you wanted to know then you should have come back."

"That doesn't make it right."

"Don't talk to me about what is right or wrong, we both know you don't have a leg to stand on."

His eyes were narrowed at her but she simply glared right back. She might be broken but she was fiercely protective of her child. "And what were you going to do? Let her think that this Chris is her real father?"

She looked away, her cheeks tinged with red. "She knows who you are."

"Well at least one of us did."

That comment sent more anger through her. "I was broken, I'd lost everything, my family and my dreams. I had to start over, you don't have the right to be angry at the life I created."

"I have the right to know I have another child."

Well he had her there.

Lisbon couldn't speak, didn't know how to negate that universal truth. She'd buried that guilt deep beneath layers of excuses but it had always been there, waiting for someone to scrape them away and reveal it to her once more. She stared at her hands, her simple engagement band winking in the dim light. "I didn't know if you even wanted her."

Jane gaped at her. "Why wouldn't I want my child?"

She met his eyes, letting him see her pain once more. "Because you didn't want me."

That statement stunned him into silence now and she felt the seconds tick by with every ache of her heart. They did nothing more then look at one another, trying to sort out how to fix what seemed to be irreparable damage. She almost didn't notice the sound of the front door opening until she heard Annie's voice.

"Aunt Reese? Is everything okay?

Oh shit.

Lisbon leapt to her feet just as Annie stepped into view. Of course the first thing she noticed was Jane right behind her aunt, but she didn't recognize him immediately. "What is going on?" Annie asked, spotting the clues that Lisbon had been crying.

Jane was staring right back at the girl but he had the benefit of a photographic memory. "Well, Annie. You certainly grew up."

It must have been the voice that triggered it, because recognition sparked in her eyes. "The psychic is back?!"

"No," Lisbon said quickly, "He's not back. He's just here."

Jane raised an eyebrow. "And what does that mean exactly?"

"That you are leaving," she said simply.

But he shook his head. "We have too much to talk about."

"Not now," Lisbon replied.

"Don't stop on my account," Annie cut in, she was eyeing both adults with a bit of amusement. But her eyes were burning with questions.

Jane didn't acknowledge Annie's favorable statement. "I'm not going to just walk away without discussing the fact that we have a child."

Annie sucked in a breath and gaped at both of them for a moment. "Well that answers one question."

Lisbon glared at her niece while Jane glared at Lisbon. "And apparently everyone else was aware of this but me."

"Please, I'm family. We all knew she was sleeping with you."

"You are not helping," Lisbon hissed. Annie shut her mouth but didn't move away, she was enjoying this drama unfold in front of her. Lisbon sighed and turned away from her niece. "We can talk about this…but it should be done _privately_ and at a decent time." Jane nodded until she added. "Unless of course you change your mind."

His eyes flashed. "I'm not leaving this city until I get some answers."

Lisbon met his gaze coolly, not really believing he had it in him to stay. "Then we'll talk later."

Jane kept his eyes on hers, as if testing to see if she was lying or not. She wasn't, if Jane was serious about staying then she didn't have much of choice. But she wasn't the one with the bad track record either. "I'll come back later."

"You'll call me."

"I'll come back," Jane corrected, his voice pointed. "I'd like to meet my daughter properly."

She gasped then, she hadn't actually thought about that. Yes, Dani knew about her father but all she knew was a photograph and stories. She'd never been told that it was possible to meet him one day. That was something Lisbon had never been prepared for.

Jane gave her a stern look before heading for the door. "I'll be back," he said again and shut the door behind him.

Lisbon stared at the spot where he had just been, still trying to sort out everything that had happened and the promise that her daughter was going to have to meet her father for the first time. Fortunately Annie was there to bring her back to the present.

"Holy shit! What just happened?"

"Annie," Lisbon ground out, as if she was just annoyed at her swearing again.

"What?" Annie asked, "I come home and find your baby-daddy here and you aren't going to tell me anything?"

"It's complicated."

"No shit!"

"Stop cussing," Lisbon admonished her.

Annie rolled her eyes. "Dani is asleep and if any time earns a few curses it's when Wonder Boy walks back into your life a month before your wedding." Lisbon groaned and turned away, rubbing her eyes as if that would erase the day's events. Annie smirked. "He knows you are getting married doesn't he?"

"Yes," Lisbon replied, no sense in lying now.

"That's why he came. He didn't want you to get married."

"Jane doesn't know what he wants," Lisbon said, "He just freaked out. He doesn't want me either."

Annie shrugged that off. "But he found out about DJ."

"He saw her picture," Lisbon explained, "That was all he needed."

"Then what did he do?"

She sighed. "Went upstairs, looked at her. Then he came back here and we argued until you came in."

Annie studied her aunt. "So nothing happened?"

Lisbon narrowed her eyes. "What did you think happened?" It only took a second for her to realize. "Oh my God, Annie!"

"You have a history with him."

"Four years ago! And I'm engaged to Chris! Our wedding is in a month!"

"And then the guy you've been moping over for the past four years comes back," Annie finished, "don't lie to me. I know you've been in love with him all of this time."

Lisbon glared at her. "None of that matters. I have to deal with this. I have to figure out what I'm going to do."

"Do you have much of a choice? He wants to see D.J. and from what I know he isn't one to just stand by and wait."

Lisbon couldn't argue with that. "No…but I have to do whatever I can to protect her."

"From Jane?"

"Yes," Lisbon explained. "Because if she gets too close to him, it'll devastate her when he leaves. I don't want her to be hurt like that. Being abandoned is not something my daughter was ever supposed to feel."

Annie was quiet for a moment before asking softly. "What if he doesn't leave?"

She looked lost at that question before dismissing it. "He won't stay. He never has before. He won't now."

"Do you want him to?"

Lisbon hesitated. "It doesn't matter what I want. I have to face reality." She looked at her niece calmly. "Jane never stayed more than a couple of days. He'll be gone and that'll be the end of it."

Annie raised an eyebrow. "Want to bet?"

She glared at her. "If you are finished being unhelpful, go to your room."

Normally she'd have fought back at such a parental tone but Annie knew when not to push her aunt too far, she didn't want to sleep on a park bench after all. But it was difficult to hide her giggles as she trudged up the stairs. She was kind of hoping Patrick Jane would stick around.

This could be fun.

* * *

Coming to Los Angelas had been something of a split second decision for him. Over the past four years he'd kept in contact with Cho, mostly because he wanted to know how the team was still doing without having to endure Grace's attempts to bring him back and he tried to avoid calling Lisbon since he wanted to let her move on. He thought he'd been doing well until Cho had mentioned she would be getting married in a month.

That had killed him.

He'd been surprised by the pain since he'd assumed he had been getting over the idea of Lisbon moving on with her life. He'd stopped calling her when she'd told him she was going on a blind date and he'd even endured Cho's wedding where he had to watch her sit, converse, dance and touch another man. He hadn't begged her to leave Chris at the wedding and if he ignored the fact that he got drunk off his ass for three days afterwards, then he'd done a damn good job of letting her go.

He'd tossed all of that progress away once he learned her last name would be changing in a few weeks. Sure he'd told himself that he had no reason to be upset, he should be happy for her, that she was better off with someone else, someone that wasn't him. But none of that logical advice had kept him from rushing to L.A. in the fastest method of transportation he could find.

Stumbling upon her at the restaurant had been a lucky accident but watching her flee had caused him to doubt his intentions for being there. But the aching feeling in his heart had won the battle, which is why he'd found her address, and gone there to try and convince her not to get married…even if that was absolutely insane. He felt foolish even thinking about it but Jane was also incredibly relieved he went because he knew without a doubt if hadn't then he never would have found out about his child.

Nothing had prepared him for that moment when he saw the picture behind her.

He'd known immediately that it was his child. She looked too much like him, too much like Charlotte. But it had taken a few moments to actually take it all in, to truly understand that he had a daughter with Lisbon. Seeing her helped solidify it, watching her sleep peacefully in her bed, it made it all real, he had a living daughter.

A mixed bag of emotions rolled inside of him, he'd settled on anger since it was the easiest one to feel at the moment and he considered it justified. She should have told him about their daughter, no matter what had happened between them, he'd had the right to know he had another child.

Jane gave her space mostly because he needed time to think and process all of this as well. He wasn't even supposed to be here and suddenly he not only had all but begged her to not get married but he'd found out he had a beautiful little girl. It was more than a little overwhelming.

Somehow he made it to the hotel room he was staying at. For a few moments all he did was stand there, still recovering from the shock. Then he pulled out his phone and called the only other person who deserved his ire.

It might not be a decent hour but Cho still answered his phone after only two rings. "Cho."

"You've been holding out on me," Jane said immediately.

Cho was quiet for a second. "Jane?"

"No need to lie. Of course you knew."

"Where the hell are you?"

Jane sat down on the bed with a huff, the springs squeaking a little. "Los Angelas."

He heard Cho mutter something, or maybe it was a laugh. "Oh. You saw your kid."

Well that confirmed his hunch. "Why yes, Cho I did. And thank you very much for never telling me she existed. A little warning would have been useful."

"Would it have made a difference?"

Jane shook his head. "I should have known about her four years ago."

"You didn't want to know."

Well that threw him. "What the hell does that even mean?"

"If you had cared you would have seen the signs."

"I wasn't around for that," Jane reminded him.

"Exactly."

He sighed heavily. "I left because I cared. You know that and so does she."

Cho didn't like that explanation, or maybe he simply didn't understand as much as Teresa did. "You say that but you weren't around when she needed you the most. You were being selfish."

Jane hesitated for a moment, before finally explaining. "She deserved better than me, she still does. It was the best thing for her. I told her that. Staying would have been the selfish thing to do."

"You are both idiots."

"Perhaps. But none of this answers my question. Why didn't either one of you tell me that I had another child?"

Ch replied simply. "Because it was the both of you wanted. You wanted her to have better and she didn't want to be hurt by you again."

Jane didn't like that explanation. "I still had a right to know I have a daughter"

"You did which is what I told her but like you she is too stubborn to let things go."

"Well that's good to know." He replied but he wasn't going to let Cho off of the hook. "Why didn't _you_ say anything?"

"You are asking why I didn't tell my good friend that she should tell the man who left her that she was having his child because if he was to find out one day he might be offend by the fact that she kept it from despite that he said guy is an idiot?"

Jane raised an eyebrow at his choice of words."Even an idiot deserves to know he's a father."

"You need to take that up with Lisbon."

He had to smile there. "Oh you can count on that."

"You know she was only doing what she thought was right."

"So was I."

"And look where it led the both of you."

"Well it's hard to argue with that." Jane sighed and shook his head. A thought occurred to him, something that he was pretty darn certain of. "You knew I'd come here. You knew I'd see her."

"Yes. I also knew that if you saw her that you would see your child and know." Jane Jane sighed again."Thanks. I would have preferred four years ago but better late then never I suppose."

"Go talk to her Jane, fix your mistakes before it becomes too late."

Cho hung up after that, his advice doled out and there was nothing left to say. Jane put his phone down and lay back on the bed, running one hand over his eyes. It was all still hard for him to take. He'd spent the past few years trying to find his life again, attempting to do what was best for the people he loved while staying away from the past that had destroyed him.

That hadn't gone well in the slightest.

Jane stared up at the ceiling, his mind still spinning with what to do next. He had to talk to Lisbon, had to meet Danielle and figure all of this out. Even if he didn't rightly know what the future would bring, it was hard to stop running when it was all he'd known for such a long time.

Something was bothering him, a thought that wouldn't leave him. Jane sat up and reached for the suitcase he'd hastily packed. In one of the ragged pockets was one of his more prized possessions these days. Teresa's book was still in decent condition, even if some of the pages were a big worn after him reading them so much.

He flipped open the cover to the title page and ran his fingers over her signature. He remembered that day in New York when he'd paid a complete stranger a hundred dollars to go inside and stand in line to get a copy of her book signed. He hadn't wanted her to see him but he'd needed to have it signed, it had been so important for him to have a book she'd held, her fingers had touched.

Jane moved past her signature, instead turning to the epilogue in the very back. He'd read this part dozens of times, perhaps hundreds. It had always stuck with him, particularly now.

_When the monster is dead there really is only one question left to ask. What now?_

_ That was something that plagued all of us in the days and weeks after it all ended. I'd always pictured a "return to normal" but I didn't realize that after something as devastating as this investigation, there is not such thing as normal anymore. In the end there is really only one thing you can do, try to pick up the pieces._

_ That is what we did, with varying degrees of success._

_ Rigsby and Van Pelt did the best, taking their extended honeymoon and then moving out of Sacramento entirely. A better position in a city that didn't remind them of some of the troubles we'd all endured. They have their truly happy ending and I still think about them and smile._

_ Cho was the one who could internalize it all the easiest. He took a long overdue promotion at the CBI and stayed in Sacramento. He finally has his own team and puts my own leadership to shame. I envy how easily he was able to move past it but he was always the most resilient of us. I'm proud of him._

_ And finally there is Jane. He was never meant to last with us forever and a part of me knew that all along, as much as I hoped otherwise. After it was all over Jane left just as he came, and as much as it killed me I understand it. He accomplished what he'd come there to do, it was time for him to find a new life, one that was no longer haunted by his family and the monster that took them away. Even if that life took him away from the ones who loved him too. I was sad, I'm still sad but I can't be angry. He left me with memories, a changed life and the gift that I never imagined would happen. All I can do is thank him…and hope one day he finds peace._

Jane stopped reading then and shut the book with a gentle thump.

She'd told him, it was there in print all along. In between the lines she'd spilled her secret but he hadn't even known it. "The gift" was Danielle, the one he'd given without even knowing. The one he'd left behind.

He'd always known it was a mistake to actually go back and be with her, he never should have started that. Of course when it came to Teresa Lisbon he didn't always think straight. Like her, he'd wanted that chance to know what it was like to be with the woman he loved. He had fooled himself into thinking that it was possible, but she was far too good for him. He'd done the only decent thing he could do: leave before he caused even more pain.

And she'd done the one thing she could to make herself even better: give him a child.

The hard part was that Jane wasn't sure if the best thing was for him to stay or go. But for now he couldn't focus on what was best for his child, right now he had to come to terms with the idea of being a father again.

And that would be hardest part.

* * *

A/N: Not sure how many chapters this fic will have, not as many as my usual I'm thinking but more than 3 or 4 at least. I already have quite a bit written so we'll see how fast this goes. I still have chapter 6 of Double Talk to work on so I need to get back to that or Donna will hunt me down hehehe. But I hope you guys enjoyed this.


	2. Everything Will Change, Nothing Stays th

Disclaimer: I own Nothing

A/N: I had most of this chapter written before I took my test induced hibernation. That's over now for good or ill so I decided to finish the final scene of this chapter before turning my attention to Double Talk tomorrow afternoon. My life is still rather a mess and while I'm trying to sort that out I appreciate everyone here who understands.

Anonymous Reviews:

**Michelle:** Thank you so much, I hope this chapter meets your expectations.

**Anonymous:** More like a continuation but I was going to be hunted down and forced to write it if I didn't get started on it soon.

**Ilovetea**: There will be a few, not entirely sure how many yet. Probably not as long as some of my other fics but we'll see how far this one goes.

**Jisbon:** Annie will continue to be her fun naughty self, just wait till you see what she does next.

**Bethany:** Thanks I'm so glad you are excited for this.

* * *

Chapter 2: Everything Will Change, Nothing Stays the Same

_ When he disappeared I was devastated. He'd become more than a friend to me over the years and to watch him walk away in so much pain destroyed me. But the silence that followed was worse. Not knowing is a fate I hope no one endures. I called, even put out a missing person's report that was disregarded since he'd done nothing more than run away. He doesn't know this but I even made the drive to Malibu to identify a body. For six hours I thought he was dead._

_ Of course he came out of nowhere, in a church no less, to explain it was all a plan, a ruse to get Red John. I was so angry he abandoned me, but anger didn't last long. I stayed in that church and cried after her left, cried and thanked God that he was alive._

_ I thought my pain would end after that. I was wrong. The next year was the hardest of my life. I watched him sink to a new level of obsession while chasing Red John's follower that Jane had taken as a lover once as a part of the plan. I spent that year trying to catch up and praying that he survived, that I survived. That was all I could do. Watch and hold my tears until I could shed them alone._

_ From Tyger Tyger by Teresa Lisbon_

* * *

Lisbon woke up that morning completely unsettled. It took a while for her to get through Annie's interrogation and there was no way she would find sleep with that anvil weighing over her head. She gave up on the institution at five in the morning and instead took a long jog on the beach. The cool salty hair was invigorating and it cleared her head, helped her assess the situation she was in.

Jane had come by the night before, freaked out because she was getting married. He'd come and found out about Dani. Now she didn't have any idea of what he would do next. Him freaking out about the wedding was surprising but understandable. Love wasn't something he lacked, it had to be hard to watch her attempt to be with someone else. But he could have changed things if he wanted to, if he could. Either way the best course for both of them was to try and find some measure of peace, even if it was apart.

But that last point was much more complicated with Dani's existence. Lisbon knew that Jane was going to be belligerent and attempt to see his daughter; he'd said as much the night before. But he couldn't commit to staying either. He wanted what he wouldn't allow himself to have; he just didn't want anyone else to have it either.

After facing that frustrating conundrum, Lisbon made her way back to her home, shaking the worse of the sand off her feet and showering what remained away. Then she took care to dry her hair and style it just so, she had the time. Finally she dressed in her simple professional clothes. Her desk job meant she could wear heels but twenty years of habit was hard to break. Then she went downstairs to zap through morning shows until she heard Dani stirring.

Her daughter was an early riser, no telling where she'd gotten that from. Dani came running down the stairs in her little blue princess nightgown. "Mommy!" she shouted, just happy to live. That was her daughter.

Dani soon lay sprawled on the floor watching morning cartoons while her mother decided that pancakes would be a good treat for that morning. She had the first few on the griddle when Annie came stumbling down, still sleepy-eyed. She was still young enough that sleep was only a suggestion. "Pancakes?"

Lisbon nodded. "They'll be ready in a moment."

"Interesting choice. You distracting her or yourself?"

"Shh," Lisbon hissed, "She's right in the living room."

Annie stepped closer, her eyes sparkled. "You're not going to tell her the psychic is back?"

"He's not a psychic and no I'm not."

"Why?"

"Because he's gong to leave soon and that will be the end of it."

"Is that what he said?"

She shook her head. "He didn't have to. It's what he's always done."

Annie was quite for a moment before asking. "Are you going to tell Chris?"

That wasn't so easy to answer. Lisbon hesitated before hedging. "I don't think it concerns him. All he knows is that Dani's father isn't in her life and that hasn't changed."

"You sure?"

"Why are you asking?"

"Because he seems more like a guy who goes after what he wants instead of leaving it alone," Annie said. "I think he wants you and Dani."

"You met him for five minutes six years ago and five seconds last night," Lisbon reminded her, "I think I know him better than you."

"Yeah but I'm not in love with him and afraid of him at the same time."

That caught Lisbon off guard. "Excuse me?"

"Please, don't deny it. I'm not blind and I read your book, it's obvious."

Lisbon didn't look her niece in the eye but turned her attention back to the pancakes. "I was in love with him, but a lot has changed since then."

"No it hasn't, you're still in love with him," Annie declared, crossing her arms over her chest. "And marrying Chris won't fix that."

"My marrying Chris has nothing to do with him," Lisbon insisted, "and you cannot seriously be insisting that I should be with Jane."

"Are you kidding? I think you should head for the hills because that guy is messed up," Annie told her honestly, "But like it or not your stuck on him like a fly in a web. I just don't know if you'll die before he devours you."

Lisbon wrinkled her nose at that description. "I'm not stuck on Jane."

"I am not stuck on Jane."

"Bullshit. All you do is think about him, stare at those damn photographs"

"Don't cuss and you are wrong. I don't stare at his photograph."

"Yes you do."

"You know I don't need love advice from a person who thinks bar hopping is a way to meet the right guy." Annie looked stunned by her aunt's harsh words…so was Lisbon. She never talked to her niece that way. Ever. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that."

"Jesus Christ you have issues."

"I'm just stress out…you know with the wedding planning and all that stuff."

"The psychic coming back..."

"This has nothing to do with him."

"Fine, what about DJ? When are you going to tell her that her dad is in town?

"I don't know and don't you dare tell her anything."

"She should know. She's always wanted to meet him. You remember what happened at Christmas."

Lisbon grimaced. "I know," she sighed heavily and shook her head. "It's too complicated right now. I don't even know what he is planning to do. For all I know he might have left the state already. I'm not going to get Dani's hopes up only to watch them be crushed."

Annie studied her aunt carefully. "And if he does decide to stick around?"

She looked away again. "He won't," Lisbon said definitively and then in a much softer tone. "He never does." She turned around and met her niece's eyes. "Breakfast is ready, don't say a word about him."

Annie rolled her eyes but kept her mouth shut as Lisbon called Dani from the other room. At least she was keeping her secret for now, that was all Lisbon could as for.

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Lisbon called Kate from the road on her way to work. As soon as her friend picked up she cut off any pretense of hello. "My office. Now!"

"What happened?"

"When you get there," Lisbon explained. She wanted her friend's advice but this was not something she wanted to talk about over the phone.

She hung up after that and turned her attention back to the road. But her mind was elsewhere, back to Jane and her sitting on the stairs after he learned he had a second child. Arguing with her niece in the middle of the kitchen. Last Christmas.

She and Dani had packed up what little cold weather gear they'd had to spend the holidays with her brothers and their families. It had gone well until James's oldest had brought a few friends over. It was impossible not to notice Dani, a house full of dark brunettes and she had long curly blonde hair. One of them had made an insensitive remark about how she must have been adopted which led to Dani running to her in tears thinking that she wasn't her real mother.

That was when Lisbon had made the hard decision to tell Dani the truth about where she came from. So sitting in a guest room at James's home she pulled out one of the pictures she kept squired away in all of her things and let Dani know who her father is. She'd given her a partial history, explaining simply that he was away, that he didn't know about her but that they had loved each other very much.

Dani had stared at the photograph for a long time, finally understanding where her blonde hair and magnificent smile came from. She wanted to keep the picture and it was still sitting in her room to this day. But the photograph wasn't enough; Dani asked dozens of questions about her father. But the one that was consistent was "why?" Why did he leave?

So not long after returning to Los Angelas Lisbon tucked her daughter into the car and drove to Malibu so that Dani could meet her older sister. She'd questioned her right to be there, feeling almost like she should apologize to Jane's wife but her daughter had finally understood the sobering truth about how she had come to be. She asked about what happened and it took a bit more explaining for her to recognize that she shared a father with Charlotte Jane but not a mother. In the end her daughter didn't care about halves or wholes, it was her sister's grave she was at and that was what mattered the most. She understood how it made her father sad, she might not know why that meant he wasn't with her but it was enough for her to have that connection with him.

But nothing prepared Lisbon for walking back to the car and noticing that her daughter wasn't holding her stuffed doll Susie. When she asked Dani had told her simply. "It's scary underground, I wanted Susie to make my sister feel better."

That innocent gesture had her crying most of the drive home. It had hurt her to know that Jane had no idea this precious child existed…but she was so afraid that bringing them together would destroy that innocence.

Lisbon had to wait another twenty minutes in her office before Kate finally walked through the door; the visitor bade displayed on her blouse. "I was in the middle of a big chapter so this better be damn good."

Lisbon met her eyes. "Jane came to my house last night, begged me not to marry Chris and then found out about Dani."

Kate gaped at her before dropped unceremoniously onto the chair. "Oh. My. God."

"Tell me about it."

"Holy shit! How did this happen?" Lisbon endured even more outbursts from Kate as she explained what happened the night before, including Jane's initial reason for coming to her home, then him spotting the photograph of their daughter and subsequently learning the truth. Kate looked like a woman enjoying her favorite soap opera that was unfortunately Lisbon's real life.

"Well I guess you know for sure he wasn't just passing through," Kate told her with a smirk.

"I don't know what he is going to do," Lisbon admitted, "I just don't know what _I'm_ going to do. This is all a huge mess. It would be easy if Jane would just leave again."

"And devastating," Kate pointed out, "do you really think he'll just walk away from his child?"

"He walked away from me."

"You and I both know this is not the same thing."

Lisbon looked away, hiding the tiny bit of jealousy she was feeling at that comment. That was something she had started wrestling with since last night, the fact that if Jane did stay it was only for their daughter and not for her. In some ways it just didn't seem fair. "I'm not sure if Dani will be enough anyways. I know he loved me and he probably could love Dani, except he has a problem with allowing himself to have things. He'd probably feel like she'd be better off without him."

Kate shook her head. "God he's a real mess if he believes that."

"You know just as well as I do he isn't just a mess, he's a disaster."

"Maybe he's spent the last few years picking up the pieces."

"And maybe tomorrow I'll crowned queen of England." Lisbon's phone rang just then and she looked down to see Jane's number on her phone. She'd never taken him off her contact list and he'd never changed his number…she hadn't either.

"Is it Buckingham Palace?" Kate asked.

"It's him."

Kate's eyes widened as Lisbon lifted the phone to answer it. "Put it on speaker!" she whispered harshly and Lisbon looked at her in horror.

"Hello, Jane," she said as evenly as was possible.

"You never changed your number," he pointed out.

She almost rolled her eyes then. "Neither did you." They didn't acknowledge why they had both gone out of their ways to keep those numbers the same. She knew why she had; she'd always secretly hoped he would call her again. Even if it was almost two years since the last time his number had lit up her phone.

Jane ignored the implications too. "You know why I've called you. Shall we skip the unpleasant preliminaries? I want to meet my daughter and you don't want me to."

"I do want you to meet her," Lisbon insisted. "I just want to make sure you don't hurt her in the end."

"Or you don't want me to hurt you."

"Both of us," Lisbon admitted, "but mostly her. She's young and doesn't understand heartache. I don't want her asking me why her father has left."

"What about asking why hasn't been around her whole life?" Jane replied, "His ignorance on the subject might be the answer to that."

"Perhaps," Lisbon agreed, "But can you honestly say that it wouldn't have been that way otherwise?" Jane was quiet and Lisbon felt a bit of smug pride in that moment. "That is exactly our problem." She glanced over to see Kate silently applauding.

"What I might have done is irrelevant now," Jane pointed out, "we'll never know what would have happened if I'd known about Danielle. The only thing that is important is what we will do in the future."

Lisbon considered that, knowing he was probably right. The past was over, he could be angry about it but there was nothing they could do. Of course he was more concerned over what sort of presence he would have in their lives now, if he decided to have any. "That all depends on you," she explained, "And how much you can give."

"We'll have to discuss this."

"I'm working," she said quickly, feeling scared at the idea of actually having to open her life up to this man again.

"Then tonight."

"I'm not sure, it's a little sudden and I…"

"Tonight," Jane insisted, "I'll go to your home and we will have a real talk about all of this."

Lisbon knew she was stuck; she couldn't even lie to the man over the phone without him knowing about it. She would have to do it his way, at leas for once. "All right, I'll see you tonight."

She hung up her phone and breathed a long sigh, when she looked up she saw Kate still staring at her. "What?"

"You're seeing him then?"

"He wants to talk about Dani," Lisbon explained, "and what we are going to do."

"Which is?"

"I don't have the faintest idea."

* * *

Jane was a bit mixed after the conversation with Lisbon, not unusual given how much of a whirlwind his current emotions were in. He'd been trying to figure everything out all night but really he was right back where he started when he first saw that little girl sleeping in her bed. He knew what he wanted, but he'd always known that. As Lisbon stated it was less about what he wanted and more about allowing himself to have it.

If he were honest with himself then he would admit he'd wanted her. He'd wanted Teresa and he'd wanted to have a family with her. That some something he'd known for a while, even before Red John's death. After the monster was gone and the possibilities were open he learned a hard lesson about obsession, the lengths that you went to in order to achieve it did come back to haunt you. She'd accused him of not knowing how to exist in a world without Red John, that wasn't far from the truth. But really it was about wondering how to live in a world where he wasn't sure he belonged. He still wasn't.

He pulled out Teresa's book again, flipping through on chapter till the next. He wasn't entirely sure what he was looking for until he found it.

_The basement was as chilling like you would find in any horror film but nothing was quite as terrifying to me as Jane's cold indifference, his anger at my pulling the plug early. I don't regret that, I never have. We saved that girl's life and deep down I know Jane was felt relief in that moment too. But I also saved Jane's life, which was another reason why I did what I did. Red John would have come and he would have killed him. I didn't want Red John that way. I couldn't risk any more lives, not the girl's and not Jane's._

_ It killed me to hear him say he didn't care. That nothing mattered to him more than getting Red John. That he would sacrifice anything for revenge. I truly believed that and in that moment I think he did too._

_ But we were both wrong._

_ I was talking to Maya, trying to calm her down while the rest of the officers secured the scene. It was a mixture of negligence and luck that allowed Hardy to stand up from the stretcher and grab a gun. For a full second he and I locked eyes. I had my hand on my own weapon but there was no way I would be able to pull it fast enough before he pulled the trigger. I saw it in his eyes. He was going to kill me. Red John's man was going to kill me and I couldn't stop it._

_ Then there was the gunshot and I felt no pain…because Hardy hadn't pulled the trigger._

_ I didn't see Hardy fall to the ground, I didn't see him collapse and I didn't hear anyone screaming. All I saw was Jane with a shotgun in his hand and the look of absolute relief in his eyes. The same way I felt when I saved someone I cared about very much. Then he threw the gun away as if it bit him and ran to Hardy, hoping with his dying breath that he would reveal Red John's name. But Hardy died laughing and we still didn't have any answers. _

_ There were only a few things we learned that night. Red John was more powerful than anyone had ever thought. He had more friends than we realized and many in law enforcement. He had a sick fascination with Jane and enjoyed the game he was playing too much. Jane was willing to sacrifice his own life and most anything else to get to Red John._

_ He would let himself die…but he wouldn't let me._

_ I never asked him why he shot Hardy and we never spoke of it again. That was the beginning of something that still haunts me to this day._

_ I'm certain it haunts him too._

Well she was right about that.

Jane often wondered if Lisbon realized how transparent she was even with her writing. While she obviously took pains to disguise her true feelings in the end they were as clear as the sun. But she never did outright say how both of them felt; just like they had finally indulged in private she never betrayed anything in public. But then again she didn't have to; she always wore her heart on her sleeve even with a pen in her hand.

But he'd missed her clue about their daughter. She'd managed to hide that much.

Now he had to sort it out, had to find out if it was possible to have the child from the woman he'd deemed himself unworthy of. At first it seemed clear that he should stay away from both mother and daughter, but he didn't have the same pain and reservations as he'd had years before. Perhaps time had convinced him.

Perhaps living miserably without the woman he loved had done that too.

There was a fierce knock on the door that surprised him. Jane wasn't expecting anyone, unless Teresa had tracked him down to have their talk sooner than later. But no, she was trying to avoid it entirely. Perhaps her fiancé was more of the jealous type then he had once assumed.

But both guesses were wrong. It only took him a moment to recognize Kate Duggar, her picture on the book jacket was helpful but she was also the same woman he'd spotted with Teresa at lunch just the day before. Up close he could see she was several inches taller than Teresa and certainly a bit more of a power grabber than his pocket rocket. Or maybe it was just because she was looking like a pit-bull facing a thief at the moment.

"Ms. Kate Duggar," Jane drawled out, "the picture on your jacket cover does not do you justice."

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"I feel like I should be asking you that," Jane pointed out. "Seeing as we've never met I'm a little impressed you managed to track me down and took the time to come here yourself."

"I'm a true crime novelist, I have more than a few cops who owe me some favors. It wasn't that hard to trace you," Kate explained simply, "Now answer my question."

"I'm certain you already know. I came here to see Teresa and now I'm staying because of the additional knowledge of my daughter."

Kate shuffled a bit, pushing her purse higher on her shoulder. "It's been four years, it's a little late for you to suddenly come back into her life now."

"Not it hasn't."

"Excuse me?"

"I could argue that I never really left her life," Jane replied. "My daughter has been with her all along and if you believe I stopped following her, admittedly not as close as I should have, then you are mistaken."

"Your drunken phone calls don't count."

"Our talk last year at Cho's wedding certainly does." Kate didn't say anything so Jane took the opportunity to continue. "You know more than enough to realize that very little has changed between Teresa and me."

Her eyes flashed then. "She's getting married in a few weeks."

"That has no bearing on her feelings for me."

"Did you not hear what I just said?"

"Of course I did, but if you were so certain that Teresa wasn't still in love with me then you wouldn't be here. You'd be comfortable with the knowledge that there is no risk for her losing her heart again and therefore being hurt…which I have done far too often."

She glared at him. "Well at least you admitted that much."

"It is never my intention."

"But you never do anything to prevent it," Kate pointed out. "You walk into her life, use her for revenge, let her fall in love with you and do nothing to stop it and then tear it to shreds with everything you do to get what you want. Then when it's all over you walk away, come back, break her heart and leave again. That's all you've ever done with her." She eyed him carefully. "You know what I found when I met her? Nothing. She'd lost everything she'd worked for because she'd sacrificed it for you and then you walked away, leaving her alone." Kate cast her eyes away now. "The only good thing you did for her was Dani. Don't screw that up for her now too."

Jane was certainly affected by her words but truly it was nothing he hadn't already known or told himself over the years. He'd always seen how his actions had hurt her, had always known she'd gone home to her apartment alone or some other dark safe place so she could hide her tears from everyone. He wasn't sure if anything was different now either, wasn't sure if he was capable to stopping hurting her.

"But that's the important thing," Jane replied, "My child. I have another child and I have the right to at least know she exists. I have the right to be in her life."

"Not if you'll only cause more pain."

Jane bristled a little now. "What right do you have to be involved with this? This is not your family."

"I'm the shoulder she cried on for six hours when she couldn't keep it anymore," Kate shot back.

"But I'm the father of this child, I'm the one made these mistakes and I should be given the opportunity to fix them."

"I'm not sure I agree with that."

"Like I said, that isn't your call," Jane reminded her. "This is between Lisbon, myself and our daughter but not you." Kate clearly didn't like that categorizations. "I respect you for what you did for her, you've been an amazing friend for her through these years. But that doesn't mean this is your choice."

She looked a little smug. "And what about Chris? Doesn't he have a place in this?"

Jane had all but for forgotten Lisbon's fiancé to be perfectly honest. Jane considered that minor complication for a moment. "That all depends on Lisbon and what she wants. But he's not Dani's father either."

Kate couldn't dispute that. "I think you are underestimating their relationship."

Jane smiled. "No, you're trying to undervalue ours."

She paled a bit, not quite as sure of herself at least on that score. "I only want what's best for Teresa and Dani. I don't think that's you. What do you say for that?"

"I don't know," Jane admitted. "But I want the chance to find out."

* * *

Lisbon spent the evening after work spot cleaning her home, as if Jane was going to come and judge her for having dust on her shelves. But she was mostly just trying to keep herself busy so she didn't hyperventilate at the idea of Patrick Jane coming to her home so that they could discuss their daughter. That wasn't something she'd ever really prepared herself for, not since she'd decided that telling Jane about Dani was an impossibility.

But now he knew and they would have to come to some agreement. Not that Lisbon actually thought he would stick around to be in Dani's life. Right now he was just confused and frightened, he wanted to be with her but when the dust settled he would decide to walk away. It was the exact same thing that had happened four years ago.

And when that happened she didn't want her little girl to be hurt like she was.

"You know, I don't think he's going to care if the silver is scratched," Annie said dryly. She was sitting on the couch flipping through the channels after giving up on trying to help her aunt while she was going through her crazy cleaning fetish.

"This isn't about keeping the house clean, this is about keeping me from getting hysterical."

"Why?" Annie asked, "It's not a big deal. He'll come over and you'll talk about your kid. You wanted this once, remember?"

"That was four years ago when I actually thought that the best thing for her was for him to be involved." Lisbon reminded her niece, "Things change."

Annie gaped Lisbon. "You really think that he shouldn't be able to see his kid?"

"I don't want him hurting Dani."

"What is he going to do? Push her down the stairs?"

"He'll leave! He'll break her heart."

"Are you sure? Maybe you need to give him a chance," Annie said, "after all, he already lost one daughter. Why would he walk away from another?"

"Dani isn't Charlotte," Lisbon told Annie, then looked away and said very softly. "And I'm not Angela."

She turned to find Annie staring at her, a mixture of sadness and pity in her eyes. "Do you really think that's why he left?"

Lisbon looked away again. "It doesn't matter. He left, he can't take that back. I can't trust him with my child and that is that." She sighed heavily and met Annie's eyes. "Dani is upstairs, can you get her ready?"

"For what? You want her dressed up to meet him?"

"She's not going to meet him. You are going to take her out."

"I am?"

"Yes," Lisbon insisted.

"But it's Friday night!"

"So?"

"So generally I prefer to hang out with someone over the age of four, preferably of the cute male variety."

Lisbon glared at Annie. "You have a lot of Friday nights ahead of you. But since you are living with me right now I'd appreciate it if you did me a favor and took my daughter out."

Annie was still annoyed at the idea of her big plans going up in smoke. "What exactly am I supposed to do with her?"

"Take her to the movies, to get ice cream, bring her to the park. I don't really care as long as it is appropriate and away from here." Lisbon explained, "And do not bring her back until I call you and tell you that he is gone."

"Are you kidding me? Not only do I have to babysit D.J. but I have to kidnap her as well? Do I hide her in a blanket and carry her out to the car too?"

"Stop being dramatic. Just do this for me."

Annie sighed and got to her feet. "This is ridiculous. You know that right? He's her father, not Charles Manson."

"Just get Dani."

"All right, I'm going," Annie said and headed up the stairs, muttering under her breath about feeding the kid tons of sugar as payback. That was fine with Lisbon; she could deal with taking care of a sugar crazed four year old for one night if it meant protecting her child.

A few minutes later Dani came rushing down the stairs with her little pink Nikes on. "Annie says we are going out!" Dani exclaimed, all smiles and happiness.

"Yes you are," Lisbon said, "Just a fun day with you and your cousin."

"Yay!"

"Well someone is excited," Annie remarked, earning another black look from her aunt. Contrary to her complaints she really did love the little troublemaker, she just didn't like having her plans ruined. She also had her own opinions about Lisbon's love life, especially in regards to her upcoming wedding.

"Come on, D.J." Annie said, ushering the little girl out of the door. "We're going to have some girl time."

"What about Mommy?"

"Mommy is going to stay here and do some work," Lisbon told Dani, "it'll be boring grown up stuff. So it's just going to be you and your cousin."

While Dani would have preferred having her mother with her, a day out with her cousin was still more fun then spending time alone in the house. She was all smiles while Annie led her out of the house to her beat up Camry. Lisbon watched Annie buckle Dani into her the child seat, sent her aunt another look before getting into the car herself and driving away.

Lisbon breathed easier once they were gone, now Dani would be safe when Jane came over for their talk. She still tried to find some way to keep herself busy, even going upstairs to change her clothes. That part was pretty ridiculous, she wasn't trying to impress Jane, she was engaged for God's sake.

Finally there was a knock on the door and Lisbon let out a nervous breath before slowly walking towards it.

Sure enough, Jane was on the other side, looking rather calm himself. Apparently both of them had been trying to prepare for this moment. For a few seconds all they did was look at each other, there was a lot of weight behind the gaze, so much between them and now even more than he had originally assumed.

She stepped aside to let him in, neither one of them had said a word yet. Jane walked inside of her home; the first thing he looked at was the picture of Danielle that first informed him he had another child. He studied the photograph again but didn't pick it up, instead after a few moments he moved on down the hallway.

Lisbon was still at a loss as to what to do, she wound up just standing by her front door wondering exactly how she got to this place. Jane was in her home, looking over pictures of their daughter, that wasn't something she had ever prepared herself for. She shook her head and followed her former lover who was still looking around her home, the same way he used to do at crime scenes. He was taking it all in and figuring out everything about her life with just some quick glances.

She saw his eyes land on the table laden with unopened wedding presents and she found herself blushing. When she looked up Jane was staring at her again, a mask hiding the emotions in his eyes. "You came here to talk," Lisbon reminded him, "perhaps we should do that."

Jane turned away, looking at a row of Dani's baby pictures that were resting on a table. "Where is she?"

"Not here," Lisbon told him, "Annie took her out for some quality time. I figured it would be best if we talked uninterrupted."

Jane smirked darkly and shook his head. "No, you weren't thinking of our talk. You merely wanted to keep me from seeing her."

Well he was right.

"It still would be better to discuss this without a four year old distracting us." Lisbon insisted.

"I wanted to meet her," Jane reminded her, "Preferably while she was awake this time."

She crossed her arms over her chest, feeling that same protective instinct all mothers had. "No. Not now, not yet. Not until you prove you aren't going to just walk away and hurt her."

"Is that what this is about or are you merely doling out petty vengeance?"

"Don't talk to me about revenge," Lisbon growled, "we've been down that road before. This isn't about what happened between us, I just don't want my daughter hurt the way I was." She looked away, her voice softening. "I wasn't mad that you left, I expected that much."

When she met his eyes again she saw he looked a little ashamed himself, guilt could do that. She sighed. "You're here, you know about Danielle, you're the one who wanted to talk. Tell me what you came here to say."

Jane straightened then, shaking off whatever sadness had pervaded him again. "Why do you think I'll hurt our daughter?"

"The same way you hurt me," Lisbon replied, "you'll leave and she'll be left wondering how to pick up the pieces of her life."

"This isn't about you," Jane reminded her.

"I'm her mother."

"And I'm her father."

"I know that," Lisbon said, "but it isn't that simple. You know that we don't always get what we want, not after everything that happened, what _you_ decided."

"I didn't decide to not be in my child's life, you did," Jane insisted.

"You made that choice when you walked out of my life," Lisbon replied.

That raised Jane's ire. "That isn't exactly what happened and you know it. None of that gives you the right to keep my child from me."

"What would you have done?" Lisbon asked, "Would you have come back?"

He was quiet for a moment as he considered that question. Then he shook his head. "I don't know…you never gave me the chance to find out."

"You don't know," she repeated, "and that's why I didn't tell you."

Jane was caught off guard by that statement and she took some satisfaction in the fact that he couldn't dispute her. He turned away; picked up a picture of their daughter she had resting on the end table. It was when she was two years old at a studio; she was sitting on a chair wearing a little white dress, grinning widely with her green eyes lit with wonder. Jane set the picture back down and met her eyes. "And what were your plans if I hadn't shown up?"

He was implying her plans had changed. They hadn't of course.

Lisbon shrugged. "Nothing, just keep raising her as I have been."

"With Chris."

So that was the problem.

"Chris and I are still getting married," Lisbon told him, she wanted him to know that she was still pressing forward.

"And he was going to raise my child?"

She rolled her eyes. "He's not a bad man. You met him, you said so yourself."

Jane didn't respond to that, just asked another question. "Was he going to adopt her?"

Lisbon bristled a little at that, Jane was sounding like Chris was trying to steal what was rightfully his…which wasn't too far from the truth. "We discussed it but it wasn't going to be an easy task. I put your name on her birth certificate so you would have to sign away your rights, which would mean telling you. So the point was moot anyways."

"Interesting, you told the Cho, your family and the government but not me." Jane remarked, "I wonder who else knew. I'm assuming Grace and Rigsby."

She shook her head. "No, they know I have a child but…but I didn't tell them it was with you."

"Why not?"

"Why would I? They had already left by the time you and I started sleeping together, the only reason I told Cho was because he figured it out." She looked down at the floor. "I only told my family…and Kate."

That intrigued Jane. "You told your writing friend?"

"Yes, when we were writing the book." Lisbon explained, "It wasn't an easy time and I needed to let things out. I didn't intend to tell her but…but then it all came out. I felt a little better after that. Finally I had someone who could help me sort through the mess my life had become."

Jane nodded, understanding that desire at least. "I could tell you became close with her. It's good that you finally have a friend like that outside of work."

"Well I gave up a lot of things after you left," Lisbon explained, "like my job."

"You didn't give up the CBI for me."

"No," she agreed, "I gave it up because it wasn't worth it anymore. I had built a team, a family and when we finally got what we wanted…we went our separate ways. I couldn't keep working in a place that was merely a shadow of what it once was; I couldn't stay when I was stuck in the past. I had to forge my new life, that included my daughter."

Jane studied her, his eyes calm and focused. "You were running," he stated with authority.

"So were you," Lisbon pointed out, "the difference is that I stopped. Can you say the same?"

She had him there and he knew it.

"Perhaps I lacked incentive."

That stung but he didn't notice. It implied what she'd always been afraid of; _she_ had never been enough for him. Yes he loved her but not as much as she loved him, not as much as he had loved the family he lost.

That begged the question if he could love his child with _her_?

"Danielle isn't _incentive_," Lisbon hissed, "She's my child."

"You know what I meant."

"Of course I do, but she isn't some experiment for you try out and see if you like it. She's a little girl who shouldn't wonder why her father doesn't stick around when she begs him to."

"You aren't even giving me a chance," Jane pointed out, "how are we supposed to know if you don't let me try?"

"Because it's better to protect Dani then to risk you destroying her."

Jane shook his head. "I won't do that."

"And how do I know that? For that matter… how do you?"

It was a damn good question, one neither of them knew how to answer which was the crux of their problem. Until she could be certain that Jane would stay and be a father to their child then she would do everything she could to protect her, which included keeping them apart.

Something she learned very quickly she wasn't good at.

The sound of the front door opening alerted Lisbon that something was wrong. Then she heard Dani's little feet running through the house. "Mommy! We got ice cream and Annie gave me one with sprinkles and cherries and—."

Dani came to sudden stop right by her mother as soon as she saw the man standing in the living room. She stared at him, her eyes wide with shock, awe and a bit of fear. Annie followed her cousin in at a much slower pace, a small smirk on her lips.

Jane's expression was almost identical to his daughter; he stared at her like she was the most beautiful creature he'd ever seen.

Lisbon was just filled with rage.

"I told you to wait until I called!" she snapped at her niece.

"Oops, must have made a mistake," Annie replied flippantly.

"Don't you dare be smart with me, you did this on purpose!"

"Yeah I did," Annie admitted, "Because it was the right thing to do." Jane tore his gaze away from his daughter long enough to meet her eyes. Annie snorted. "Don't thank me, I'm not on your side. I'm on DJ's."

"Then you shouldn't have done this!" Lisbon exclaimed.

Dani was still staring at Jane, tears filling her big eyes and then slowly leaving wet trails down her cheeks. "Mommy," she whispered, pressing against her mother's legs but still keeping both of her eyes on him.

Jane took a step towards her. "Danielle…it's okay. I'm..."

"I know who you are," Dani interrupted him, still clinging to her mother.

That surprised Jane. "You do?"

She nodded. "Mommy showed me a picture…but she said you weren't coming back."

"She was wrong," Jane told her softly. "Because I'm here now." He squatted down to her level but she held onto her mother tighter. "I'm here and I want to get to know you." His voice was gentle and sweet, he'd always had a way with children, he always could win them over.

So it was surprising when he reached to touch her hand that Dani shouted "No!" and then ran away, rushing up the stairs to her room.

All three adults were surprised by Dani's flight, but Jane was the one who looked devastated. Lisbon surprised him by turning on Annie. "Look what you did!"

"I didn't do anything."

"This wasn't the way for her to see him," Lisbon insisted, "now she's upset."

Annie looked chastened by that. "I'm sorry."

"Later," Lisbon replied harshly, "just stay out of this for now." She didn't give either one of them another glance, but turned on her heel and headed up the stairs.

Dani's door was shut; she'd slammed it as hard as a little girl could. Good thing she didn't quite know what locks on the door were for yet. Lisbon quietly opened the door to find the room empty except for her daughter's soft crying. Lisbon sighed and knelt down on the ground to peek under the bed, Dani's favorite hiding place. She really was too much like her father, even finding a secret place to disappear where her mother couldn't go.

"Baby, it's okay," Lisbon said gently.

"Is he gone?"

"No," she answered honestly, "he's still downstairs."

"Why?"

Lisbon shrugged. "I think he's still hoping to talk to you."

"No," Dani insisted. "I don't want to."

This was all surprising to her. She had been honest with her daughter about where her father is but had also taken pains to explain that he wasn't a bad person, just broken. Her little girl had always shown a curiosity about her father, asking many questions and staring at his picture. She thought Dani would be excited at the idea of finally meeting him; instead she had fled like he had the plague.

Lisbon sighed. "If you want me to get him to leave. I will." Dani didn't say anything, but shrunk further under her bed. "Dani, do you want him to leave?" The little girl didn't look at her mother before nodding her head a little bit. "All right," she said, moving away to stand up. "I'll tell him to go."

"No!"

Lisbon leaned back down to look under her bed, one eyebrow arched. "No?" Dani wasn't looking at her again. "Honey, do you want him to go or not?" But her daughter wouldn't meet her eyes, just stared down at the carpet under her bed. Lisbon shuffled so her head was resting on her hands and her palms were flat on the floor. "You know, I remember when you first asked me about him." Dani peeked up at her mother for an instant before looking away, Lisbon just continued. "You wanted to know where he was, what he looked like, you even asked me if he liked pizza and pancakes." She chuckled a little at that memory, Dani's lips twitched too. "You had all of these questions, but you really wanted one thing." Lisbon met her daughter's eyes. "You really wanted to meet him."

Dani didn't look away this time, she was afraid though, that was obvious. "Why don't you want to now?"

Her little girl shrank back. "What if he leaves?"

Lisbon felt her heart splinter and break at her daughter's words, it was something she knew all to well. She was asking the same question herself. "I don't know," She admitted, "He might leave again. I don't know what he'll do." She reached over and stroked one golden curl. "But he's here now, he's here and he came to meet you."

Dani didn't look comforted by that. "It'd okay if you don't," Lisbon told her, "You don't have to see him…but this might be your only chance. You might regret it if you don't at least say hi to him. Would that be so bad?"

She shook her head a little. "Will he like me?"

Lisbon smiled now. "Of course he will. He'll love you." It wasn't a lie. She knew Jane would love Danielle not just because she was his daughter and she was so amazing and incredible, so easy to love. But because he could love, deeply and truly, the kind of love that was all consuming for him and the one he adored.

Unfortunately said love could be what forced him to keep away.

But she could shield Dani from that, could try and keep her from getting too close. She'd done what she could to keep her from knowing he was here but now that she knew, Lisbon thought it wouldn't be bad for her daughter to at least meet her father, if only so she could look back as she got older and think _'I met him and he loves me'_.

And she couldn't get Jane's devastated expression out of her head, it was a pain she never thought she'd see when he watched his daughter run from him.

Lisbon saw her daughter weakening. "Come on. Let's go say hi to him. Let's go meet your daddy."

Dani nodded her head one last time and let her mother pull her out from under her bed. Then she tucked her little hand inside of her mother's and stayed close to her side. Lisbon was quiet as she led her daughter down the stairs.

She heard the voices first, not that she was expecting anything less.

"She's right, this wasn't the way to do it."

"I thought you would be thanking me."

"Forcing this on her was bound to be overwhelming, but I am grateful for the attempt."

"Please, if my aunt didn't have first dibs, I'd punch you myself."

"I have no doubts."

She almost smiled then, she knew he was. But she squeezed Dani's hand tighter and stepped into view, the little girl shielded by the partial wall that hid the stairs. Jane immediately stepped forward. "Is everything okay?"

Lisbon nodded and met his gaze. "It's fine, actually she'd really like to meet you." She heard him catch his breath the second she came around the stairs, their daughter's hand clutched in hers.

He stared at her with the same expression of shock, wonder and awe. But he was afraid too; there was no hiding that. "She doesn't have to," Jane said gently, but his eyes were begging for her to step closer.

Lisbon was going to answer but her daughter did the talking. "I want to," Dani said softly. She stayed close to her mother but her big green eyes were focused on him. "Hi," she piped up.

Jane chuckled a bit but there were tears in his eyes. "Hi," he replied. He knelt down again to be on her level but stayed a couple of steps back, being careful not to push her. "You look so beautiful," he whispered.

Dani smile at the compliment. "Mommy says I look like you."

"Well you didn't get that hair from me," Lisbon muttered.

"You have her eyes," Jane pointed out, "and they are as big and beautiful as hers." Dani's mother blushed then but the little girl just grinned. She liked being told how pretty she was. Jane took a risk, moving just a little closer but Dani didn't flinch now. "I…I honestly don't know what to say. I'm happy just looking at you."

That made the little girl giggle a little, she was starting to relax a bit, no longer gripping her mother's hand so tight. "Did you have a picture of me too?"

Jane shook his head. "I didn't know you existed until last night."

"Oh, is that why you never came home?"

He hesitated, meeting Lisbon's eyes. "Possibly." Lisbon felt that pain; he couldn't even say if he'd have stayed. "But I'm here now," Jane continued, "I'm here and I want to get to know you. That's the most important thing for me."

Dani looked at him thoughtfully. "Why?"

Jane smiled sweetly. "You're my daughter, of course I want to know you." He looked her over carefully. "Don't you want to get to know me?"

She was quiet for a few seconds before nodding her head. "Yes."

He was relieved then. "Good, but we'll take this slow. I don't know about you but this is all a little scary for me."

Dani smiled gently. "Me too."

"And I promise, I'm not going to leave, not unless you get sick of me," Jane told her, making her giggle again. "Shake on it." He held out his hand and Dani looked at him a little uncertain, but she was already warming up to him. She reached over and placed her tiny hand in his, giving him a bit of an enthusiastic shake. It was obvious Jane was reluctant to let her go.

But he did and Dani stayed at her mother's side, still a little nervous but that was being rivaled by her excitement. Lisbon patted her daughter's shoulder. "Why don't you let Annie get you ready for bed. You can say good night while me and daddy talk."

The title slipped from her lips. It was what she'd always called him when she and Dani talked.

Dani didn't notice. "Okay." She hugged her mother's leg. "Good night, Mommy." But she stopped and met Jane's eyes again. "Good night, Daddy." She didn't go over to him, but just being called 'Daddy' was enough to make Jane's heart melt once more.

The little girl hurried over to her cousin who took her hand, Annie eyed both adults before leading her up the stairs. For the moment her indiscretion was forgotten as the more important matter of Dani and Jane's burgeoning relationship needed to be discussed.

Jane couldn't take his eyes off his daughter as she was led up the stairs by her older cousin. Lisbon watched Jane, seeing the absolute awe in his eyes still. She didn't know if that was just because he still was adjusting to seeing Danielle…or if he would always be grateful to have a second child.

Finally he turned to look at Lisbon. "She's amazing."

Lisbon nodded. "Yes she is."

"You didn't have to bring her back down…"

She shook her head. "Dani wanted to, she's always wanted to meet you she just was afraid. She didn't really want you to go."

"I'm glad," Jane admitted. "And I'm grateful that you have told her about me. You didn't have to do that."

Lisbon sighed. "Yes I did, she deserves to know where she came from."

Both of them were quiet for a moment as they considered what happened, what they would do and were things could go from here. Lisbon didn't like any of her options because now she couldn't just go back.

"So what now?" Jane asked, but he must have had a good idea.

"She's met you," Lisbon reminded him, "and this isn't going to be enough for her."

"Or for me," Jane stated."

She sighed. "Then we'll have to set something up. Something easy and slow, something that we'll all be comfortable with."

"And your fiancé?"

"Let me deal with Chris," Lisbon replied, blushing a little at the reminder. "Besides, we still don't know how long this will last."

"I'm not going anywhere," Jane stated definitively.

She knew he meant that. Seeing his daughter had changed something inside of him, made him surer, firmer…like he was finally planted on the ground. But she'd heard this song before.

"I'll believe that when I see it."

* * *

A/N: Well Jane and Dani finally meet and now Lisbon has to figure out if there is a way to work Jane into her new life. We'll see what Chris has to say about the new turn of events.

Now Double Talk, I promise. I have all afternoon tomorrow and I finally know where I'm going with it.


	3. Leave You in the Morning, Find You in th

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: I'm so glad everyone is enjoying this fic, as exciting as the show is right now I'm really loving this little universe I created. It's been a fun and interesting ride so far and it's still going. Can't wait to see what happens next!

Oh and yes, for a few moments I did have chapter 2 from The Price You Pay up instead of Chapter 2 for this fic. That's what I get for having so many damn fics!

**Anonymous Reviews:**

**Anonymous:** LOL thanks, I love that nickname

**Andrea:** Annie is going to keep being her fun snarky self, I'm so glad I chose to put her in this fic! LOL You'll see what happens with Jane and Dani hehehe.

**Ilovetea:** That was my mistake, for about five minutes I did have the wrong chapter posted and people got confused. I fixed it. You'll get a lot of your answers this chapter but it's going to be a marathon for Jane and Lisbon, not a sprint.

* * *

Chapter 3: Leave You in the Morning, Find You in the Day

_ I was a cop. I followed the rules. That had been my mantra sense I first stepped foot out of the academy and if you told me I would break nearly all of the rules I'd set for myself I'd have either laughed or threatened to shoot you. But the truth is that I put my job and my life at risk so many times in this investigation that it truly ceased to matter anymore, at least to me._

_ Not long after Jane first joined my team and I saw all of the trouble he was causing and how much more I would get from him, I saw that my job would undoubtedly be on the line. When I realized how far he was willing to go to get to Red John I knew then that I would probably be fired when it was all over. But the first time I ever did almost lose my job from Jane it was actually from my own doing, I volunteered. I let myself get suspended because I believed in him and his new lead in Red John. It wasn't until it was all over that I realized that I'd done it without a thought, that somewhere my loyalty towards my team and Jane had grown beyond caring for my own self-interests._

_ After that I never stopped. Did I question his plans? Every single time. But when he asked for help I gave it, when he told me to put my job on the line, I did it. I never regretted it. I still don't. I stopped being a real cop that followed the rules, now I followed him and his rules. I told myself in the beginning it was all in the interest of getting Red John, "catching bad guys" as I told others. But that was a lie. There was always more to it than that and everyone knew that._

_ Especially him._

_ From Tyger Tyger, by Teresa Lisbon_

* * *

That night wasn't easy for Lisbon as she tried to keep her nerves at east. Once Jane was gone and Dani was asleep it was hard to keep that calm feeling that she'd done the right thing. She knew that there was no going back, Dani and Jane had met and now all she could do was hope that Dani didn't get too attached and have her heart broken once Jane left. Because he would leave, he always did.

As for Annie, Lisbon had given her a pretty harsh reprimand for her part in the deception but there was little else she could do. She wasn't about to kick her niece out of her house, but she certainly hadn't forgiven her yet. Annie had gone to her room chastened but still certain she'd done the right thing while Lisbon had spent most of the night fretting over what the future might be.

Around two in the morning she'd gotten out of her bed and padded over to her closet where she kept a box shoved behind her meager collections of shoes and dresses. To an unassuming eye the box contained nothing but junk, some shriveled hydrangea petals, a small piece of rock from the desert, an origami frog, a couple of yellowed receipts and creased photographs but the most cherished was the blue dress shirt that was carefully folded on the bottom. She pulled it out gingerly and then pressed the collar of the shirt to her nose. The scent had long since faded but she could still imagine there was a whiff of his cologne, his skin and smell that she would find on the pillows when he left her bed.

The shirt had been a gift from one of the last times they'd been together, but not the nice kind of gift. She'd tracked him down to Mexico after he disappeared for a little longer than normal; she'd made a split second decision to find him. They'd argued in his rat hole of a hotel room in some beach water town in Mexico, shouting and screaming words they'd never dared say before. It resulted in shoving each other against various pieces of furniture and him ripping her shirt from her body. Hot angry sex on a mattress that smelled of mildew wasn't something she'd ever imagined, but she hadn't regretted it either. He'd given her a shirt to wear on her flight back. The next time she saw him he didn't ask about it, which was fine since she hadn't planned to give it back. She had no idea that would be the last time she would see him either. Their lovemaking had been tender and sweet, gentle really as if an apology…and then a goodbye.

He never came back again.

Lisbon slipped her arms through the sleeves and crawled back into the bed, she still loved the feel of his shirt against her skin. It helped to have her pretend he was there. Maybe it was pointless, maybe she shouldn't indulge anymore now that Chris was going to be her husband…but she also knew that there was no way she would be able to truly get over Jane. No matter how much he'd wanted her to.

Curled up in memories she managed to find sleep and as the sunlight filled her bedroom she slowly roused. It took a couple of seconds for her to realize she wasn't alone. Lisbon looked down to find two little bare feet poking out from under the blanket by her head. With a grin she pulled back the blanket to reveal her daughter, Dani giggled as soon as she could see her mother while Lisbon just laughed.

"What are you up to little one?"

Dani shrugged. "Wanted to sleep with you, Mommy."

"Why?" Dani didn't say anything so Lisbon hedged a guess. "Did you have a bad dream?" But her daughter shook her head. She considered this for a moment and came to the only logical conclusion. "You're still thinking about your Daddy aren't you?"

Dani nodded her head. Lisbon sighed and ruffled her blonde curls, all tangled from sleep. "I know it was surprising to see him like that. But you are glad you met him aren't you?"

"Yes," Dani admitted.

"Then what's wrong?"

She looked away before asking softly. "Will he love me?"

Lisbon actually wasn't sure what to say. The truth was that she knew Jane could love her child, but being able to show it for the rest of her life was another matter. "Yes he'll love you."

"As much as my sister?"

That was the worst question Dani could ask. She'd been honest about Charlotte Jane, honest to the point of admitting that the major part of her father's absence was for loving and losing his first child. Lisbon had always felt second best when compared to Jane's first family. She just hadn't realized her daughter shared those feelings.

She pulled Dani up so she could look into her eyes. "Listen to me closely. Never doubt for one second that your father doesn't love you. He will always love, just as much as he loves your sister. Do you understand that?"

"Yes, Mommy," Dani replied, obviously feeling somewhat relieved.

Lisbon smiled now softly, the smile a mother used to mask her feelings. She did believe Jane loved their daughter, maybe even as much as his first. Of course he could never extend those feelings for _her_.

And that might make all the difference.

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To Lisbon's surprise when she carried Dani downstairs she found her niece already in the kitchen. "Since when did you become an early riser?" Lisbon asked, putting Dani down at the kitchen table.

"Since I went to bed at ten o'clock," Annie grumbled.

Lisbon rolled her eyes, "Don't act like I sent you up there. You just wanted to leave."

"I didn't want to keep hearing you yell about letting psychic boy see his kid."

"Mommy, you're mad at Annie?" Dani asked from her perch on her booster seat.

Lisbon turned to her daughter. "I'm not mad, just a little upset that she didn't do as I asked last night."

"But I got to meet Daddy."

"Yes you did," Annie said smugly, "and even your mom thinks that's a good thing." Lisbon glared at Annie for finding that loophole and chose wisely to drop the matter at least for the moment. Annie grinned and turned to her cousin. "Want some scrambled eggs, DJ?"

"I think cereal would be better," Lisbon interjected; she stared at the eggs as if they were poison. Well they were, poison for her mind and heart.

"You can have your weird phobia of eggs but let the kid eat what she wants."

"I'm her mother, not you."

"If I were her mother she would have met her father before now."

Lisbon glared at Annie. "Things between Jane and I are very complicated. You know that. And as your aunt I do not believe you have the right to question my life and my decisions, especially when you are not old enough possibly understand."

"I'm not old enough to understand what exactly? That you got hurt by the man you fell in love with? That you are depriving DJ a chance to be with her father because you got hurt? Or that the one person that you have stood by for years got scared and ran off?"

Lisbon stood there a little stunned to be told off so thoroughly by her niece, with not a single word she could refute. Finally she looked her niece in the eye. "Exactly, you've never felt any of that and, Annie…I hope to God you never do."

Annie shuffled her feet, her cheeks a tinge of pink "Listen I'm sorry but you are not the first woman to be hurt by a man. The only difference is he is here now, so maybe you should try and work something out with him for DJ's sake."

"I don't have much of a choice anymore," Lisbon muttered, "I have to let him get through this and see what happens."

"I'm going to see Daddy again?"

Lisbon and Annie had all but forgotten about the little girl in their argument. She was kneeling on the chair, her hands grasping the back of it, and peeking over the edge like it was a wall separating her from the anger. But her big green eyes were full of hope.

"Yes," she told her daughter, "You'll see him again. You father and I are going to talk and we'll set something up. Does that sound like fun?" Dani nodded her head vigorously and Lisbon smiled back. "Good. Now what do you want for breakfast?"

"Fruit Loops."

She wondered if the cereal was a concession on her daughter's part but she decided not to push it. Just opened the pantry to find the half-empty box of frosted O's. Annie followed her and whispered. "You going to tell Chris or just keep him in the dark too."

"You think he needs to know?"

"Well if you don't say anything don't you think Wonder Boy will?"

Lisbon thought about it for a moment and the image of Chris walking in on Jane with Dani flashed through her mind. Jane would wipe the floor with her fiancé. "Shit!"

"Mommy you said a bad word," Dani pointed out cheerfully.

Annie snickered. "Now it's your turn to put a nickel in the jar."

* * *

Lisbon knew it was time to tell Chris the truth about Dani's father. She'd never really lied, just had told him as little information as possible. She'd been in a short relationship, he had left, she never told him about Dani. He had no idea that he'd actually had the opportunity to meet said man at Cho's wedding the previous year. Nor that she'd worked with him previously for almost a decade. Or that she'd fallen deeply and irrevocably in love with him.

No, this was not going to be good.

She left Dani with her niece while she headed over to Chris's home to meet her fate. To fill the time and keep her mind off of what was about to happen, she took care of something she'd been neglecting recently.

Cho answered his phone on the second ring. "Cho."

"I ought to fly up there and shoot you," Lisbon growled out.

"Shooting me won't solve your problem."

Well he was right but it didn't leave him off the hook. "Why did you tell Jane I was getting married? Why were you talking to Jane at all?"

"He calls me every now and then," Cho explained simply, "And he deserved to know."

"That I'm getting married in a month?"

"Yes, and about his kid."

She rolled her eyes. They were back to that argument. Cho had been a rock for her to lean on after Jane left. He'd known about Jane's visits, never approving but never saying a word either. After Jane's final visit and she'd sunk into a deep black hole only to discover her pregnancy, he'd been very resilient where she'd wanted to fall further. He'd told her to let Jane know and as close as she'd come she'd never had the courage to let the truth be known. Cho never agreed with her silence but was good enough to let her made the decision on her own, until now at least.

"You didn't have a problem with keeping Dani from him before," she pointed out.

"You weren't getting married before."

"What difference does that make?" Cho didn't say anything because really the answer was obvious. "I don't think this is going to change anything," Lisbon told Cho softly, "otherwise I would have told him years ago."

"We'll see," Cho replied.

"Why don't you just tell me what you are really thinking, Kimball?"

He was quiet for a moment. "I think that Jane could surprise you."

"I'm done with Jane surprises."

"We both know that is a lie."

"All because of you," she replied, but she was biting her lip to keep from smiling, it seemed like they were just talking in circles. She sighed instead. "I'm on my way to tell my fiancé that my child's father is back in my life, got any advice since you seem to enjoy making my decisions?"

"Yeah, don't wait four years again."

"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind," Lisbon grumbled and shut off her phone. She shoved it in the passenger seat and turned her attention back to the road. She wasn't far from Chris's condo anyways. Eventually she made it down Chris's quiet little street, it was filled with mostly bachelors and newlyweds and not close to any good schools, which is why he was supposed to move in with her.

That fact came screaming back to her when she turned the lock in the door and stepped inside. There were several boxes stacked in his living room, next to an ever-growing pile of wedding presents. There was an ache in her heart when she saw those presents and she didn't know why. It was getting harder for her to think about the wedding.

"Chris?" she shouted, turning her back on the boxes.

"In here!" he shouted back. No need to ask where _here_ was, she knew that could only mean his study. He practically lived in that room if the litters of dirty plates, mugs of coffee and balls of scrap paper were any indication. She climbed the stairs and made her way into the room. Sure enough Chris was hunched over his laptop, focused on whatever he was currently writing. He finally looked up and smiled at her. "Hey, this is a surprise."

"Yeah," she agreed, shutting the door behind her. "Actually there is something we really have to talk about."

"I know, my sister has been calling me all day about the flowers and the reception. It's driving me a little insane, are you up for just eloping to Vegas?" Chris teased.

That thought made her heart hammer in her chest. "I'm not opposed," she said even if the idea of just getting it over with now filled her with some trepidation. "But I don't want to start off on the wrong foot with my sister-in-law."

"Guess that means we are stuck with this shin dig," Chris said with a laugh, "At least it'll be a fun party. I can't wait for you to see my groom's cake."

Lisbon could imagine it would be Tennessee orange, perhaps a giant power T or a replica of Neyland Stadium. Really she'd learned more about Tennessee football over the past year than she'd ever wanted to know. "I'm sure it will be fun," she agreed, taking a seat in the wooden chair by his desk. "But I didn't actually come here to talk about the wedding."

That caught Chris's attention. He turned away from his computer to face her. "All right, what's up?"

She took in a deep breath before letting it out. "It's about Dani…actually it's about Dani's father."

Chris looked concerned then, rightfully so. "You said he was some guy you had a brief fling with, you didn't see him again or tell him about Dani."

"I did say that," Lisbon admitted, "And it's true, at least somewhat."

"Excuse me?"

"It was a brief fling," Lisbon told him honestly, "But it wasn't with just some guy."

"All right, who was he?"

She licked her lips and looked away. "Jane."

She heard Chris's sharp intake of breath. "Jane? As in _Patrick_ _Jane_? The guy you worked with for years? The one I met at the wedding?"

Lisbon nodded. "It happened right after Red John was killed. It didn't last for long; actually it wasn't even really much. He came back, he left, came back again. Then he just stopped." She stood up and walked over to the window, still not able to look at him. "I didn't tell him about Dani, I didn't want her to get hurt like I was."

"But you saw him at the wedding."

"That was neither the time nor the place to tell him about Dani, besides I didn't expect him to be there or to even see him again."

She heard Chris shift in his seat. "All right, why are you telling me all of this now?"

Lisbon turned around to face him. "Jane showed up. He saw Dani and…and he's Jane. He knew right away she was his daughter."

Chris's eyes widened. "What's he going to do?"

She shook her head. "I don't know. For now he's staying in the city and trying to figure out what he wants. I don't expect anything to change. He couldn't fix his life four years ago, I doubt he'll do it now."

"Not even for his daughter?"

Lisbon shrugged. "I'm not sure if he can be fixed, he isn't sure either. Right now all I can do is try and keep Dani from getting too attached."

"So he's met Dani?"

She nodded. "Annie intervened last night, against my wishes, but it happened. I think after a few days he'll say the same thing he told me, that she's better off without him and then he'll disappear again. But you had to know."

Chris didn't seem soothed by that information, in fact he was studying her carefully. "You were in love with him weren't you?"

Lisbon was surprised that Chris could be so obtuse. A few denials flashed through her head but she knew they were pointless. It was far too obvious at this point. "Yes, I was. But that was four years ago. It took a long time to pull myself back together after he left but I did it. It's all over now."

That was part of the truth. She wasn't sure if she really was all that put together again…in fact she was pretty darn sure she was still completely broken.

Chris sighed heavily. "Is that all of it?"

She nodded. "Yes."

"Then I want to meet him."

"What?"

"We need to meet again, to have a real talk about the future."

Lisbon shook her head. "I just told you I doubt he'll—."

"And what if he doesn't?" Chris asked, "what if he decides that he does want to be in Dani's life? We need to sort all of this stuff out now before the wedding, so we can make this as easy as possible for her."

It was touching to hear Chris talk about her daughter like that, putting Dani first in this moment instead of letting jealousy and anger take over. It meant a lot to Lisbon to know that he truly did care about Dani…and a reminder why she'd been so eager to speed up their relationship after Cho's wedding. Chris was so much better for her than anything else…and she was so very tired of being alone.

"You're right," Lisbon agreed. "We should get everything settled, just in case."

Chris nodded. "We'll put up a united front and everything will be fine. All we want is what is best for Dani, that is something that all three of us will be able to agree on."

She nodded again feeling a little better but still unsettled. That was the problem; she wasn't entirely sure what was best for Dani.

For that matter, neither did Jane.

* * *

Jane had spent most of the night in a similar fashion as Lisbon, going over and over what had happened in his mind, mostly the moment when he saw his daughter for the first time. It had been heart breaking to watch her run away from him, to hear her reject him so thoroughly. But it was a relief that it hadn't last long. Even if there was a lot of hesitation still to be overcome.

And she was beautiful. Gorgeous, this breathtaking creature he'd somehow stumbled into making. Why? What right did he have to such a child? The answer was easy but the explanation was still hard to come by. All he did know was that she was his and he wanted to see her again, see both of them actually. Being with them made him feel like maybe he did have something tethering him to this earth.

So he checked out of the cheap hotel he'd rented and found one that specialized in extended stays, much like he had done in Sacramento. The irony wasn't lost on him. Then he took his rented car straight to Lisbon's home, which was starting to become rather familiar. He'd decided that he would see them sooner rather then later and it was a Saturday, she wouldn't be working on the weekends now that she had a child.

He rang the doorbell and waited for Lisbon to open the door scowling. The patter of bare feet and the grunt of a little girl reaching on her tiptoes to the turn the knob greeted him instead. Then the door was open and father and daughter were once again face-to-face.

Danielle was wearing a little purple bathing suit with blue and green polka dots, her hair pulled back in a ponytail with her curls still springing everywhere. The little girl was obviously surprised that he was there and gaped up at him, still a little afraid but he was glad to see she wasn't so frightened that she would run away again. He was just as surprised as her, but he was more overcome by genuine joy.

Jane knelt down and smiled gently at her. "You know you shouldn't open the door unless you know who is behind it."

She blinked up at him. "But if I don't open it, how will I know?"

He grinned. "You could ask who's there?"

"What if they lie?"

Well she definitely was his child.

Jane couldn't help but laugh. "Then you could look out the window on the side, just to make sure. It could be a bad man."

"But you're not a bad man."

Well that was debatable, truly. "I'm not here to hurt you," Jane told her honestly. "I came to see you and your mother."

"Mommy is with Chris."

Now that was an interesting bit of information. It might not be such a bad thing for him to get to know more about Chris. He was about to gently question Danielle when the other Lisbon woman in the household showed up.

"DJ, where are you? You can't go outside without—." Annie stopped short, shocked to find him there as well.

"Hello, Annie," Jane greeted her. He noted that Annie was looking ready for a day at the beach as well, wearing shirt with a wide collar that showed off her bathing suit strap, a towel and a rolled up magazine where in her hand.

She crossed her arms over her chest and straightened up, she was getting good at the old Lisbon glare but wasn't quite up to snuff yet. "If you are looking for my aunt, she isn't here Wonder Boy."

Jane chuckled. "It's Boy Wonder actually, but I'm happy to know your aunt talks about me."

"She doesn't, it was in her book."

He shrugged. "Apparently she does since Dani knew about me."

Annie just continued to glare at him. "What is it that you want "boy wonder"?"

Jane was honest. "I came to spend some time with my daughter."

"And conveniently forgot to tell my aunt that you were stopping by." Annie pointed out shrewdly, things like that didn't escape her notice.

"I find that if I ask permission she's more likely to say no." He grinned now, remembering some of the past.

"Oh really? I wonder what happened in her past that would make her want to say no to you of all people."

He smiled again. "You've read the book, those stories were truly just the tip of the iceberg."

"I know beyond the book, the amount of crap you pulled."

"You mean when I left?" Jane asked, intrigued, "Now that's interesting, you're angry at my treatment of her but willing to resort to subterfuge to let me meet my daughter. That's a bit of a conundrum there."

Annie shrugged. "DJ deserves her father, even if said man is lower than scum."

"Does that mean you'll let me in?"

"If I didn't you would only break in and DJ would ask a million question of why I slammed the door in her father's face."

He was really starting to like Annie. "I'm not sure your aunt would agree with this, but I'm not going to fight your invitation in the slightest."

"Of course you wouldn't and what she doesn't know won't hurt her."

"She'll know."

"Yes, because she can sense your presence." Annie rolled her eyes.

"Actually I was referring to the fact that if Danielle is anything like her mother, she'll never be able to keep a secret."

Annie gave him a small smile. "Actually that is one trait that she inherited from you."

"Really?"

"Stick around and you'll find out for yourself."

Jane grinned at that comment, having no doubt Annie meant that. Lisbon's niece was a little prickly but he could see she was a lot more like her aunt then either one of them realized. It was rather amusing to imagine that this was how Lisbon was when she was younger without the added responsibility of raising three brothers.

Danielle stared up at him, looking like she was trying not to smile. "Are you going to come with us Daddy?"

"Sure," he said immediately, not caring in the least where that might be though he had a pretty good idea just from their attire.

"Sure," Annie muttered, "Nothing says the beach like a three piece suit."

Danielle didn't notice her cousin's sarcasm or her father's attire. She was obviously caught between a bit of apprehension over actually spending time with a man who was almost a complete stranger, but it appeared her curiosity over actually changing those circumstances was winning. "We're going outside," Dani offered as way of an explanation.

Then she surprised him by slipping her little hand into his and gently tugging him through the home. She led him to a back door underneath a porch, a big sliding glass door that opened up onto a patio that met the hot beach sand.

As soon as her little feet touched the sand she let go and broke out into a run for the water's edge. Jane was anxious once he saw that and Annie must have seen his face. "Relax, she's lived here all her life. She can swim better than kids twice her age."

"That's not the only thing to be afraid out there," Jane reminded her. He thought of undertows and rough waters.

"Yeah well I'll go after her…unless you beat me to it."

Dani had been taught well though, just standing and letting the water crash around her legs. She laughed for a while before moving on to collect shells, which allowed Jane the chance to relax and enjoy watching her.

Annie kept a close eye on her as well, even if she did manage to enjoy some sun bathing on her towel.

"Why are you here Annie?" Jane asked, genuinely curious now about how she came to stay with her aunt.

"My aunt gave me a place to crash" Annie told him simply.

"No, that isn't it. You could find any place to crash. What is the real reason?"

Annie took off her sunglasses to look into his eyes. "My dad and Uncles thought it would be a good idea. I think they want me to keep an eye on her. I'm sure you can figure out why."

"It doesn't seem like your aunt needs help."

Annie shook her head. "She is just good at hiding it."

"Not well enough if you and your brothers can see it."

"Were family. We see things that other people can't see."

Jane raised an eyebrow. "Such as?"

"Like how much she is denying herself what she wants."

He didn't say anything for a minute, not having the courage to ask what that meant. Instead he went in a different direction. "You hate me for what I did don't you?"

"You're a jack-ass but I don't know you well enough to hate you. I only know her side of the story." Annie told him honest. "What _is_ your side of it?"

Jane sighed and shook his head. "I didn't know what to do with a life with no purpose...and after everything I had done I didn't deserve her, especially since all I'd done was hurt her. I wanted her to move on, to be happy, to find someone good and better than me."

"So you made a decision for her without ever asking what she thought or felt?"

"It was better if she didn't fight it."

"Fight what exactly?"

He looked away, out at the ocean rolling before him. "Fight the loss, the more she tried to hold on to me the more it was hurting her. I didn't believe there was any way things would work."

Annie stared at him for a minute before declaring. "You know you may be able to read people but you are really clueless."

He smiled wryly but it faded to sadness. "I wish I'd known about Dani."

"You should have known about her." Annie didn't have any sympathy.

"I know." Jane agreed. "What I don't know is why out of everyone you are the one who is pushing me back into your aunt's and Dani's lives."

Annie looked away again. "We all have our secrets."

He'd smile then. "Very well, but if you heard her stories you'll know I'll find them out."

"Then find them out and we will all be better off."

He raised an eyebrow, very intrigued by Annie's hints. "Now that is interesting."

Dani came rushing up to them, still wet and now smelling of the salty water. "Annie! Can we make a castle?"

Annie glanced at Jane. "Sure kid."

Jane only thought about it for a few seconds. "Actually I've made quite a few sandcastles in my day, would you mind if I helped?"

His daughter looked slightly wary but then nodded her head. "Okay."

It didn't take long for Annie to fade away while father and daughter took to the task of building a castle. Dani got excited when she realized his prowess at sculpting with wet sand, eager to run back to the water's edge to gather more for him. Jane would do anything to make her smile.

Jane sent her off to collect more shells to decorate the castle, as she liked, noting that Annie appeared to have dozed off in the sun. Dani enjoyed placing the different shells haphazardly around the walls and turrets, but she was quiet now. Obviously she had gotten lost in thought. When she frowned like that she reminded him of her mother, her little mind worrying over something over and over again.

"Is something wrong?"

She turned to look at him; her green eyes were so big. "Where did you go?"

He was a bit surprised by that question, she didn't ask _why_ but _where_. "A lot of places," Jane replied.

"Where?"

There was that question again. "A lot of places you probably haven't heard of."

"How far away?"

Jane sighed and studied his daughter. She wasn't going to be content with a simple blanket explanation that most adults could get away with, she needed more. Her tenacity had to come from both of her parents.

So he drew a large oval in the sand and began to outline the different continents roughly but easily enough to be recognized. "It's the world!" Dani exclaimed, "We have one on our wall in our class."

He nodded. "You want to know where I've been? I'll show you."

Jane began to poke little holes in the sand, demarking the different places he'd been. Lima, Columbia, Cartegena, Baja, New York, Dublin, London, even Hong Kong. Dozens of little marks that spread across the world and about three continents. He'd stayed mostly in South America and Mexico, preferring places where he could blend and not be noticed. But he'd taken the time to explore his own Irish heritage and one day wound up on a flight to Asia. Mostly he'd wandered but never found roots.

When he was done the globe looked a little like swiss cheese but Jane was more interested in Dani's reaction. She stared at the world for a long while before asking. "Where was I?"

He was surprised again but he picked up a smooth white shell-a divot was not good enough for his daughter- and placed it on the edge of North America. Now Dani touched the shell where marking where she lived and then traced towards the little marks where her father had been. He saw now that she didn't look happy, instead she looked quite sad.

"You were so far away."

"Yes I was," Jane admitted, "Very far."

"Why?" Now she asked, after seeing it all for herself she asked the hardest question he knew.

"I was trying to find myself. Trying to find happiness again," Jane explained.

"You lost what made you happy?" Dani inferred. He nodded. "Did you find it?"

He smiled at her innocent question. "No, I didn't. I have no idea where it is." He shook his head sadly but playfully asked. "Do you know?"

Dani stunned him by simply nodding her head. "Where you left it."

That answer could not have been more awe-inspiring.

All Jane could do was stare at his daughter in wonder. How could she come to a simple answer that might be completely right? Especially when he'd spent the past few years searching for it himself?

"You might be right," Jane told her softly, reaching over to stroke one golden curl that fell over her shoulders. She was beautiful, like an angel sent to redeem him. She looked so much like Charlotte it almost hurt…but then he saw her beautiful green eyes and was reminded all over again that she was his second daughter, his second chance.

"Do you still miss her?"

Jane frowned. "Miss who?"

"My sister."

He was stunned once more. "You…you know about Charlotte?"

Dani nodded her head again. "Mommy said my sister and _her_ mommy died and it made you very sad, which is why you were gone. She took me to meet them, we brought flowers and I gave her Suzie."

It was a lot to take in. Lisbon had told Dani about his family…and taken her to their graves. And really there was only one question he could ask. "Who is Suzie?"

"My doll," Dani answered. "It's dark underground, I wanted Suzie to keep Charlotte safe." She looked up surprised to see tears falling down her father's cheeks. "Daddy? Why are you crying? Did I do something wrong?"

Jane shook his head, but didn't speak yet. He was too overcome with how precious this child is, leaving her doll at her older sister's grave. Dani scooted closer and reached up to brush the tears from his cheeks, he pulled her into his arms instead. Jane hugged her close, pressing his face into her hair.

In that moment he couldn't imagine ever letting her go.

* * *

Lisbon drove home after setting up something of a plan with Chris but she wasn't sure she liked it. Putting Chris and Jane in the same room together seemed like a nightmare of epic proportions but she didn't have much of a choice, her fiancé was determined to meet her former consultant/lover and she had no grounds to deny him. Not after keeping Jane a secret for the entirety of their relationship.

She was ready to spend a quiet afternoon with her little girl and maybe pretend that this whole situation did not exist. That went out the window when she saw a familiar Citroën parked outside of her home. She didn't know how Jane got his car back but she shouldn't have been surprised.

Lisbon got out of her own car and glared at his, then kicked the rear tire for good measure before heading inside of her home. She set her things on the kitchen counter, surprising her niece who was pulling a bottle of water out of the fridge. "Hey, you're back."

She gave Annie an icy smile. "Where's Dani?"

Annie took a sip of water. "On the beach."

"Alone?"

"Nope."

"No, I didn't think so," Lisbon replied, "Since I saw _his_ car outside." She threw her hands up in the air. "Why did you let him in?"

"DJ answered the door. What was I supposed to do, tell her no that her father couldn't come in?"

"Why did you leave her alone with him?"

"He's her dad, not an ax murderer. I left them alone for five minutes!" Lisbon knew Annie was right, she also knew that she was acting completely irrational, something her niece figured out herself. "Why are you so crazy about all of this?"

"I just…" she put her hands flat on the counter to dissipate some of the tension, "I just hate how messed up all of this is now."

Annie stepped forward. "You told Chris right?" Lisbon nodded but didn't look at her niece. "Did something happen? Did you break up?"

Now she did turn to face her. "Why would you automatically assume that?"

But Annie was damn good at hiding what she thought. "Just wondering why you are so upset."

Lisbon didn't quite believe her but she chose to accept it for now. "Chris wants to meet Jane." Annie's eyebrows flew up but she continued. "He says we need to prepare in case Jane does decide to stay in Dani's life."

"You don't think he's going to do that."

"No I don't."

"You're family is so messed up," Annie said with a grin.

Lisbon glared at her. "Thank you, I'm so glad this is amusing you." But Annie didn't look ashamed and Lisbon was too exasperated to bother anymore. "Excuse me, I have to go kick my daughter's father out."

She heard Annie's laughter as she headed out of the kitchen and towards the patio door. It wasn't hard to spot Dani and Jane. They were by the shore still playing in the sand, Jane looked as carefree as she'd ever seen him. His vest, jacket and shoes were laying a little ways away from him on the sand, he looked rumpled and windblown and sexy. Why the hell did he have to still affect her like that?

It was Dani who spotted her first. "Mommy!" she exclaimed and broke away from her father so she could hug her legs. Lisbon hugged her back, smelling the scent of sunscreen, salt and sand. "Daddy came back, Mommy," Dani told her, "He kept his promise."

She felt her heart warm a little at her daughter's words, this killed her, she didn't want Dani to get hurt. "Yeah, he did," Lisbon replied turning her head to look at Jane. She added a silent _for now_, but didn't say anything more. "It would have been nice if he had asked me first though."

Jane just shrugged. "I find that when I don't ask permission, I get more information." She glared at him for his reminder of how he'd found out about his child in the first place. But Jane wasn't fazed at all; instead he just smiled back at her.

Lisbon turned back to her daughter. "Why don't you go pick up some pretty shells for me."

"Okay," Dani readily agreed and scampered off closer to the water. Now her parents were alone and Lisbon took the time to notice Jane's handiwork. The elaborate sand castle had to have been his doing, she also saw the large image of the word pockmarked with divots and she had to wonder what that was about. Possibly the more recent addition was Dani's full name scrawled in the sand with flourish. _Danielle Jane Lisbon_. No doubt he took a lot of pleasure in writing her middle name.

Jane sat down in the sand, leaning back a bit and watched their daughter scamper along. She just stared at him for a moment, unsure exactly how to start all of this. "You really should have called me," she said lamely.

"Like I said, I had a better chance of seeing her if I didn't."

She rolled her eyes. "You can't just barge into my life like this, breaking things and messing up everything I built for me and Dani."

He turned to meet her gaze. "It's already changed, Lisbon. The moment I saw her. You're going to have to accept that. What we can do is talk about how to make things work." Lisbon stared at him as if he was crazy…which wasn't altogether unusual. But Jane just patted the sand beside him in invitation. "Come on."

She looked at the sky for a minute before sitting down in the sand next to Jane. They both took a moment to watch Dani play in the sunshine. Lisbon remembered the last time she and Jane had shared a moment on the beach. _You have no idea how much you mean to me_.

It would hurt so much less if he didn't love her so much.

"She is amazing," Jane said gently.

Lisbon nodded. "I know. I still don't know why or how we made something like her…but I thank God every day for her."

Jane was quiet, like he always was when she brought up her faith. "I wish I'd known," Jane told her.

She sighed. "I tried. I was going to tell you…but you called me up and you were drunk and I had no idea where you were calling me from…and I was freaked out enough as it was. I just couldn't handle another mess."

Lisbon was a bit surprised that Jane didn't protest that, she knew he didn't agree with the choices she'd made but perhaps he was more curious at the moment. "When did you find out?"

She looked over at him. "I waited for you to come back for a few weeks, when you called and said you weren't…well that time I knew you meant it." She sighed now. "So I quit the CBI finally, they were all relieved to see me go. I was a remnant of a time they all wanted to forget, when Patrick Jane and my team dismantled California law enforcement."

"Not our fault half of them were working for Red John," Jane pointed out with a small smirk.

Lisbon had to smile a bit too. But she got back to the story. "I spent the next couple of months in a very bad place. Basically I sat around and did nothing but remember everything I had built only to watch it fall apart the moment we won." He didn't say anything but felt his fingertips lightly brush hers, she pulled away. "I was watching TV and it was some stupid show about doctors I think? One of them was freaking out because she thought she was pregnant and I had just been thinking about how sick I was feeling. I realized what it might be and basically jumped up, ran to the pharmacy and took a test. Then I called Cho and shared in my freak out with him." She met Jane's eyes. "I was almost four months at that point."

Jane raised an eyebrow. "It took that long?"

"I was _really_ depressed," she reminded him, "I thought the weight gain was from me sitting on the couch."

"Did you want the baby?"

That question caught her by surprise. When she looked over at him she saw he was studying her intently. "Yes," she told him honestly, "I was scared but I wanted her. I _needed_ her. She gave my life a new purpose, a reason to find a fresh start." She took in a deep breath. "Which is why I called up some friends in the FBI, took the job here and started making my new life. Then Kate came with the book offer and the rest happened."

"And the dozens of phone calls from me never made you consider telling me?"

She almost smiled at his segue. "Oh they did, but it was terrifying. And she was growing up and so innocent and beautiful, I was afraid…I _am_ afraid that you will ruin it."

Neither one of them said anything for a long time. Lisbon wasn't sure if that meant Jane agreed with her or if he simply didn't know how to defend himself with that statement. Instead they watched their little girl cheerfully chasing a sand crab, trying to catch it in her tiny hands. Her golden hair gleamed in the sunlight like a halo around her head.

Jane grabbed a handful of sand and let it sift through his fingers. "I don't want to leave her."

"You didn't want to leave me," Lisbon pointed out.

"No," Jane agreed, "but things are different now."

"Are they?" She asked him, "Nothing with you has changed. The only thing that has is Dani. If you weren't able to find a place with the human race before why should she make any difference?"

"She should make all the difference," Jane pointed out, "she's my child."

Lisbon nodded. "But will you still go? All you've said is that you want to try. She needs more than that."

"I know," he agreed.

"But you won't commit," she pointed out, "like I said nothing has changed."

"Is there anything wrong with taking things slow and seeing what happens?"

"Yes," Lisbon said, "when it leads to my daughter crying as her father disappears to God knows where."

"That won't happen." Jane told her firmly.

"I don't believe you."

"Well then you'll just have to watch as I prove it," he said confidently.

Lisbon just shook her head and turned her attention back to Dani. She sighed heavily and decided now was as good a time as ever to warn Jane. "Chris wants to meet you."

She actually could hear his smile. "Now that's interesting."

"I had to tell him about you and he wants to make a plan," Lisbon explained, "A way to make everyone fit into this messed up equation."

"The mother, the daughter, the mother's fiancé and the father of the daughter," Jane said throwing out the labels, "add in the rebellious niece and we do have quite the gathering."

She almost smiled then because he was right, this whole thing was almost ridiculous. "Well, will you meet with him or not?"

"Of course," Jane told her, "I want to know who you chose to raise my child with."

Lisbon really hated how Jane put it so clinical. "He's a good man."

"I know that too." But there was something else in his voice, jealousy and a bit of dissatisfaction.

She chose to ignore his tone. "Then we'll set something up soon."

"Sounds good," Jane said but he was watching Dani again. Their daughter looked up and grinned at both of them. "She's beautiful," he whispered again.

Lisbon nodded. "Yes she is."

For a long time the two of them sat there and watched their daughter play, feeling the warm happiness of their innocent child. After a few minutes she felt Jane's fingertips touch hers again. This time she didn't pull away but she didn't take his hand either.

It was all she would allow herself for now.

* * *

It took a bit of trickery to finally get Jane to leave but there was no way she was going to let him stay the whole night with Dani. For one thing she didn't need to see Annie's face if that happened, it would undoubtedly make her week. Jane was disappointed and so was Dani for that matter, it appeared her initial shyness was quickly disappearing.

Lisbon focused on being a mother instead of the rest of her crazy messed up life. She fixed a quick dinner and took Dani upstairs to wash off what remained of her sand and sun filled day. Dani smiled happily as her mother shampooed her hair with the sweet citrus smelling soap. She grinned back down at her daughter. "You had fun today, didn't you?"

Dani nodded happily. "Yes, Mommy."

"Daddy was fun?"

"Daddy was a lot of fun! We built a sandcastle with big towers and a moat!"

Lisbon smiled softly at the image. She pulled a big towel off of the shelf and wrapped her little girl in, drying her off. She stared into her daughter's eyes, the same shade as her own but set in a different face. One with high cheekbones and skin that darkened instead of freckled in the sun. "You really like him don't you?"

Dani nodded again. "Can I…can I love him?"

That simple question melted her heart. She didn't know why her daughter was asking permission to love her father but that was simply wrong. "Oh, sweetie, of course you can. I want you to love him…he wants you to love him too."

"Good," Dani said and smiled happily once more. She didn't ask any more questions but was content to let her mother dry her hair and dress her for bed. Lisbon read her a story before leaning down to kiss her daughter goodnight. That was when Dani whispered. "I think he loves me too."

Lisbon paused and stared at her child for a minute. Then she gave her a soft look. "I think you are right."

Dani grinned before closing her eyes to go to sleep.

Sleep didn't come so easily for her mother who tossed and turned in her bed for a couple of hours. She kept thinking about Jane on the beach, Jane smiling at their daughter, Jane hugging Dani goodbye. Then she started remembering other moments with Jane, sinful moments that still filled her with ecstasy. God she still missed him. Still wanted to wake up in Jane's arms like she'd only done a handful of times, the few times Jane hadn't left while she was asleep.

It was getting so hard to pretend like she didn't still want him.

At one in the morning Lisbon gave up on sleep and headed downstairs to maybe find something that could knock her out. What she found instead was her niece in the living room with a cup of tea. She eyed Annie with surprise. "What are you doing up?"

"It's early for me," Annie told her wryly.

Lisbon rolled her eyes and moved around to see the TV. "What are you watching?" She was surprised once again to see herself on the television set. "Why are you watching this?"

Annie shrugged. "I don't know, the last couple of days made me think about them."

Lisbon had all but forgotten the tapes from her book tour. She'd gone to a couple of talk shows including one scarring appearance with Nancy Grace, after that she was much happier to travel to different bookstores and sign books for six hours instead of attempting to pitch her book while on camera. She'd been given a copy of the tapes after each interview and while she'd wanted to burn them her family had forced her to reconsider that.

"Do you enjoy watching me humiliate myself on television?"

Annie chuckled. "You weren't that bad."

"Oh gee, thanks." But she sat down on the sofa next to her niece and pulled up a throw to cover her legs. It was the interview with Kelly Rippa that was on, well at least Kelly had been nice and she'd gotten to meet Neil Patrick Harris while waiting for the show to start.

Annie was riveted to the screen, which Lisbon found a little strange. "Do you know how cool you are?"

"Excuse me?"

She turned to look at her aunt. "You're amazing."

"Because I met Kelly Rippa?"

"Yes," Annie said honestly, "But mostly because of everything you did. You saved people for years, you caught Red John. That's just…unbelievably awesome."

Lisbon was touched by Annie's words but she wasn't quite sure she could agree with them. "I only did my job," she reminded her niece, "And in the end it didn't give me much beyond some really close friends and a not so fond farewell."

"You don't get it. You have a lot more than that," Annie told her, "You know you did everything you could to get these bad guys. And you don't really have any regrets."

"I have a lot of regrets," Lisbon corrected her, "I regret some of the choices I made, the clues I missed. I regret missing out on a lot of your life and your cousins' because I was so buried in my job." She smiled bitterly. "I regret falling in love with someone who could never be what I needed and only hurt me in the end."

Annie shook her head. "No you don't."

"How would you know that?"

"Because I know you," Annie told her confidently, "And you would do it all over again, the same things."

She stared at her niece for a minute before nodding. "Because of Dani."

"DJ and everything else," Annie replied, "you would want those memories, the time you had, the people you met and loved."

She considered her nieces words for a minute. "You're right, I don't regret those memories." But she sighed. "I just wish I didn't feel the pain."

"I know, but you would take one as much pain as you could if it could mean healing him."

Lisbon couldn't very well deny that. Instead they both grew silent and she got to listen to herself on TV again. _"This isn't book about how Red John was caught. It's the story of how my team grew together, became a family while working to catch this monster. It's the choices we made, the plans we put together and the love that we shared. It's…life, a life that we can never forget. One that we all miss. But we had to move on, had to grow up and our lives changed. I guess this book became my way of reminding myself why we did what we did…and that this really was our lives."_

"I think that's why he left."

She was pulled out of the surreal aspect of watching herself on TV by her niece's words. "What?"

"You're amazing," Annie repeated, "that's why he left."

"No, he left because…because he couldn't….because he couldn't love me as much as he loved them," Lisbon stated firmly.

"I don't believe that," Annie replied. "He loves you so much."

"And how would you know that?"

"Because he looks at you like you're an angel or a goddess or something."

She was caught up by that statement but then shook her head. "No…no he doesn't."

"Yes he does," Annie told her with a smile.

Lisbon noticed. "Why are you grinning like that?"

"Because…this is going to be pretty fun to watch."

* * *

A/N: I think Annie is right, this will be fun to watch. Next chapter Jane and Chris will meet again this time with full knowledge. Should be fun.


End file.
